The Seven Sexiest Women Married to Mediocre NHL Players

November 30, 2010

In most sports, the game’s best athletes are showered with endorsement deals, paternity suits and gorgeous women who are passively okay with repeatedly getting cheated on. In hockey, however, talent is not a prerequisite for aspiring puck bunnies. We’ve found seven NHL players who were able to turn mild on-ice ability into a trip down the aisle with women who should be dating at least Ryan Getzlaf quality or better.

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7. Dan Hinote and Amy McCarthy

Despite scoring an average of four goals-per-season since the NHL lockout, Hinote – who received an “it’s not you, it’s me” pink slip from the St. Louis Blues before the 2010 season started – is able to sob silently into a pillow that happens to be on the same bed that Amy McCarthy sleeps in every night.

The younger (and possibly sluttier) sister of Jenny McCarthy decided to leave her lucrative career as a “Playboy Cybergirl” and walk down the aisle with Hinote in the summer of 2008. Since then, he has retired from the game and taken up residence on the sexy beaches of Columbus, Ohio where he was named an assistant coach for the Blue Jackets earlier this season.

6. Niklas Hagman and Piritta Hannula

Photo: Iltahletti Media

In baseball, chicks may dig the long ball, but in hockey they seem to be sexually drawn to defensive liabilities. Much like everybody else on the Calgary Flames, Hagman has shown up in the wrong end of the plus-minus column in nearly every season he’s played. Luckily, General Manager Darryl Sutter didn’t notice his defensive play (or inability to score 30 goals in a season) before trading for him earlier this year.

The laid back "winning optional" approach in Calgary has allowed Hagman to concentrate on some of his non-hockey related hobbies like “nailing his hot wife” and “telling people about nailing his hot wife.”

5. Sheldon Souray and Angelica Bridges

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While Edmonton Oilers management – who inexplicably made him one of the highest paid defenseman in the league – would argue that Souray is “kind of good” and at times “flirting with pretty decent,” the fact remains that he was the 16th leading scorer on the NHL’s worst team in 2009-2010. Not exactly the kind of online dating profile stats that would attract a woman who has appeared on three different soap operas and an episode of Veronica Mars.

4. Bret Hedican and Kristi Yamaguchi

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For a 10th round draft pick from the American college system, Hedican actually put together a respectable NHL run. He had two Olympic appearances, one Stanley Cup title and a career-high seven goal season in 2004. By all accounts, he was a solid competitor and quasi-talented journeyman defenseman. It just so happens that he’s the second most talented athlete at his family's dinner table.

When Hedican said “I do” to Kristi Yamaguchi, he found himself in the precarious position of being the least decorated, athletic and nationally celebrated sports icon in his marriage. Next year, when his kids start taking skating lessons he may even hear the phrase “actually, I was hoping mommy could teach me how to do crossovers.”

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3. Valeri Bure and Candace Cameron

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After being set up by Dave Coulier in the early 1990s, the less talented brother of Pavel Bure walked down the aisle with DJ Tanner 14 years ago at a sparsely attended wedding ceremony that featured over 800 career goals and a guy vaguely resembling Danny Tanner in the audience.

Though Bure did register just seven lifetime playoff assists (and zero goals) in 10 NHL seasons, he did enjoy a sporadic amount of preseason success and a fifth place participation medal at the 1995 World Championships.

2. Scott Hartnell and Lisa Hartnell

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It shouldn’t be surprising that a man who lists “NHL Poker Champion” as the greatest accomplishment on his hockey database profile would be able to pull in an attractive young blonde who enjoys long walks on the beach and white men with giant orange afros. The only shocking part of this “beauty and the hockey beast” story is that the 14-goal scorer from Southern Alberta couldn’t hold onto her during the team’s family-only events.

According to various reports “[Flyers’] centerman Jeff Carter was boning the wife of teammate Scott Hartnell” at some point last season. Though all parties involved (kind of) denied the report, sources close to the situation insist that the rumor is true. It’s frightening to think that four career penalty minutes in international play wasn’t enough to keep Mrs. Hartnell loyal.

1. Mike Comrie and Hillary Duff

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For a guy with a career plus-minus of negative 49, Mike Comrie sure has put together one hell of a positive life outside of the hockey rink. After meeting, and subsequently marrying, Disney pop princess Hillary Duff earlier this year, Comrie has become the envy of every NHL player who has four career playoff goals and a lightly stained copy of the Lizzie McGuire box set in their parent’s basement.

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