England Gives South Africa 42 Million Condoms to Save Citizens from Slutty British Soccer Players

March 12, 2010

With the World Cup just months away from kicking off in Johannesburg, the political brain trust of the United Kingdom (yes, they have one) have decided to protect their gracious hosts by providing them with enough prophylactics to satisfy a mid-sized German army or the elderly cast of 60 Minutes.

The gesture comes after the star of England’s national soccer team lost his captaincy for nailing his teammates girlfriend – a scandal that led to several other British players admitting to also playing a little “locker room pass around” with the same girl.

The condoms, valued at $1.5 million, should help ensure that the only thing the British team will leave in South Africa is crushing disappointment and the remnants of a chaotic “second round elimination after-party.”

But seriously... this is England's year.

Enjoy the condoms.

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