Chad Ochocinco is Tired of Going to Red Lobster Alone

July 9, 2010

Most NFL players spend their off-seasons memorizing playbooks and going through rigorous weight room training. Chad Ochocinco, however, has decided to prepare for the 2010 campaign filming a reality dating program and discussing his loneliness on The Dan Patrick Show.

The Ultimate Catch, a delightfully pun-happy production, will feature Ochocinco searching for love, giving advice, and participating in a plethora of various non-football related activities.

"I don't have nobody to cook for me. I don't have nobody to go to McDonald's with, or to take to the high-end restaurants like Red Lobster," Ochocinco told the national audience.

Patrick asked why the multimillionaire athlete had to go trolling for reality show contestents when there are plenty of gold diggers willing to sleep with him for the chance at a paycheck pregnancy.

“Can’t Carson Palmer set you up?” he asked.

“He won’t even let me babysit his kids,” Ochocinco responded in presumed shame while slowly shaking his head as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

It’s always nice to see a quarterback and wide receiver with that sort of special relationship. It’s just like when Joe Montana put out a restraining order against Jerry Rice in the early 1990s.

Regardless, let’s hope Ochocinco can find a special girl that will never be allowed to meet Ben Roethlisberger when the Bengals play in Pittsburgh.

Photo: George Gokovich/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images