The Top Seven Reasons No Man Will Love Jennifer Aniston

May 18, 2009

Jennifer Aniston seemingly has it all: fame, fortune, good looks, and a killer body. She’s the ultimate catch, yet she is eternally unlucky-in-love. So why is it that the actress can’t land a guy who sticks around?

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7. She’s Too Successful


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Men have an innate fear of successful, powerful women. This makes finding a partner difficult for Jennifer Aniston, as she has to be one of the most successful and most powerful women working in Hollywood. The actress has amassed a large fortune from the success of Friends and has stared in numerous films that have opened number one at the box office.

But men generally see successful women as a major turnoff and women know it. According to a survey, “74% of single women think men are intimidated by dates with high-powered career women.” Experts believe that “highly accomplished men tend to marry women who are lower on the professional and educational food chain than they are, traditionally choosing women over whom they can exert control.” So basically Jennifer is screwed. She needs to find someone who’s richer and more successful. She had this with Brad Pitt, but can she find it again? The older she gets, the more success and wealth she amasses, and the more difficult it gets for her to find love.

Then again, Aniston could do a Demi Moore and snatch a much younger man and find true happiness. Stranger things have happened.

6. She’s Too Desperate


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If a woman is too needy or too desperate, a guy will run. It does not matter if that woman is the hottest woman on the planet, or if she works on finding a cure for cancer and is filthy rich. That dude’s going to run -- and run fast. Jennifer Aniston has this problem.

She is desperate for a meaningful relationship, desperate to be happy, and desperate for a baby. That’s a whole lot of desperation. This desperation is channeled through how she looks and what she wears. Fashion expert Tim Gunn of Project Runway ripped into Jennifer Aniston, telling OK! magazine, “Sometimes I think she has 'desperate character' written on her. The clothes we wear send a message. And I think that’s the message — I don’t think that’s her intention though.”

Her recent sexy cover shoot for GQ where she posed naked except for a tie seemed to be a desperate cry for attention. It’s like she wants to tell the world (and Angelina Jolie) that she’s still hot and that she can bag a younger man even though she just turned the big 4-0.

5. John Mayer’s Been There


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John Mayer is the kiss of death to any woman. The smooth crooner has a way with women. He has an uncanny ability to swoop in when a woman is in her prime and leave them devastated, heartbroken, and a shell of their former self. His conquests, apart from Jennifer Aniston, include Vanessa Carlton, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, and Cameron Diaz. These women were never the same after John Mayer went there.

John Mayer has a reputation for being a great lover and for leaving women pining. Like a vampire, he has the ability to suck the life force out of women. Women who date him are left in a mess. After Mayer, Jennifer Love Hewitt gained weight and could only land a job on The Ghost Whisper. Similarly, Jessica Simpson gained weight and turned to country music. John Mayer is an omen and a curse to women. He leaves them alone, vulnerable, and unable to love.

4. She’s Not Hot Enough to Forgo the Lack of Privacy


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It will take a very strong man to fall in love with Jennifer Aniston and stay with her. Jennifer Aniston’s love life is the source of constant speculation. Tabloid magazines and television shows feed off her private life. While she dated John Mayer the tabloids went into overdrive, spitting out daily updates on the nature of their relationship, when they were getting married, whether she was pregnant, and if they’d broken up or not. This sort of attention, harassment, and speculation would send any person packing.

The tabloids are obsessed with Jennifer Aniston's "desperate" and "lonely" love life because it contrasts the seemingly perfect life her ex is living. The media has created the ultimate showdown between her and the perfectly happy coupling of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Aniston has been cast as the sad, eternally lonely spinster. This image of her is fast becoming indented in the public mindset and looks like becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The problem with the media’s intrusive behavior is it scares guys away. Her relationship with Vince Vaughn is said to have ended because the funnyman could not handle the constant media coverage and speculation. The reverse of this is she only attracts people who are interested in the publicity (John Mayer, anyone?) and nothing else.

The real problem for Jennifer is that her love life is such a public commodity that whoever she ends up with will know her entire relationship history. That’s a tough way to start any relationship, no matter who you are.

3. She’s Too Busy Dating Her Treadmill


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Jennifer Aniston has a killer body that looks way younger than her 40 years of age. She’s in the best shape of her life and could probably pass for someone in her mid-twenties. The secret to Aniston’s ridonkulous body is her extreme exercise regimen. According to The Insider, she practices two hours of yoga every other day, wakes up at 6am to go running, and hits the elliptical machine or treadmill every evening to run 20 minutes at 5.7 mph at a 1.5 incline. Her addiction to exercise and staying in shape is said to have driven John Mayer to despair. He is reported to have complained about her “obsessive exercise regime” and it has been cited as one of the reasons the two broke up.

Jennifer Anniston is also fanatical about her diet. It is said that during the run of Friends she ate the exact same salad every day for lunch, for ten years. Can you imagine loving someone with such a strict and boring eating schedule with no room for spontaneity or calories? These days she follows a “common sense diet,” which means “portion control, no processed foods, and lots of lean protein, fruit, and vegetables.” Yawn. When Aniston does splurge, she goes crazy with “a few chips and salsa.” Try loving that.

2. She’s Too Old and Wants a Baby Too Badly


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Numerous studies show that men prefer younger women when it comes to finding a partner. It is a simple part of male human nature. Men look for younger partners because they are generally healthier and better equipped for reproduction, ensuring that a man can sow his seed and pass his genes on. Now that Jennifer Aniston has hit 40, she is entering a dangerous zone where men are less likely to see her as the mother of their children and thus less likely to love her.

This would be problematic for Aniston as she is desperate to have a child of her own. Any man who falls in love with Jennifer Aniston better be prepared to start a family -- pronto. Falling pregnant naturally will not be easy for Ms. Aniston. According to medical science, the optimum time for a woman to fall pregnant is before age 35. After this age a women’s fertility drastically decreases. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, two-thirds of women age 40 or over face major fertility challenges. Aniston could always adopt, but being a single mom makes finding love even more challenging.

If you look at her past dating history, all of Aniston’s previous partners went on to date younger women. Brad Pitt moved on to Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn is marrying a younger Canadian realtor, and John Mayer has reportedly hooked up with a 24-year-old model. If a man is to fall in love with Aniston, he will most likely be older and already have children.

1. How Do You Compete with Brad Pitt?


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How can any man compete with Brad Pitt? The dude has it all. He’s twice been named “Sexiest Man Alive” by People magazine and Empire named him one of the 25 sexiest stars in film history. Brad Pitt is not only really good looking, he’s also really talented. He’s makes interesting, entertaining films and has been nominated for a bunch of awards. The dude is pretty much an icon of the entertainment industry.

If that’s not enough, the guy is trying to save the world. When he’s not adopting children, he’s traveling the world meeting world leaders and fighting the good fight for a range of humanitarian causes. How can anyone match that?

Women’s magazines have turned Brad Pitt into some sort of living God. He is idealized and praised as the ultimate specimen of man.  The idealization of Brad Pitt is responsible for the metrosexual craze, which has pushed men into becoming finely chiseled muscle men with a snazzy dress sense. This has caused men to feel insecure and worry about their body image. No guy in their right mind would want to stare into Jennifer Aniston’s eyes and see the ghost of Brad Pitt staring back. Just ask the husband of one of Brad’s former flames. Gwyneth Paltrow’s husband, Chris Martin, recently told Rolling Stone magazine, "If your wife went out with Brad Pitt, you'd want to prove yourself, you know what I mean?" Two children, five years of marriage and international rock star status is not enough to make Chris Martin feel secure.

It doesn’t help that Jennifer is constantly talking about Mr. Brad Pitt. She has been separated from Pitt for over four years but obviously has yet to move on. Earlier this year Aniston told Hello magazine, “I will love Brad for the rest of my life.” Jennifer’s is so infatuated with Brad that she reportedly screamed out his name during sex with John Mayer. How can you compete with that?

Honestly, Jennifer should give up on men. No guy will ever match up to Brad Pitt and no guy will want to. It’s like once you go Brad Pitt, you don’t go back. The problem is there’s only one Brad Pitt and he doesn't love her anymore.