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Top 10 Hats for Guys and What They Say About You

by DannyGallagher   January 18, 2011 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 5,626

If you celebrated National Hat Day this past Saturday, you know that this miracle of men’s fashion can accessorize a drab outfit or bring a touch of much needed class to an uncultured slob. But sometimes the hat wears him, as evidenced by these skull-toppers.

Source: Steve Sucsy/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images

By Danny Gallagher


10. The Sombrero

This staple of Tijuana souvenir shops and Texas bachelorette parties got its start in Mexico naturally as a functional hat for workers to keep the hot sun from “refrying” their eyes, head, and neck. Of course when the tourists came and saw the oversized hat on the heads of the hard workers in the fields, they naturally turned it into the tacky souvenir momento we’ve come to know and love today. Now instead of using it to protect ourselves from the sun’s harmful UV rays, we use it to perpetuate the stereotype of the “lazy” Mexican, decorate college dorm rooms, and wear it for pictures that will inevitably be used as Facebook profile pictures.

What Does This Hat Say About Me When I Wear It?

“I just wandered out of a birthday party at Pancho’s with an open bar.”

“I went to Tijuana and didn’t bring enough money for alcohol AND a hooker.”

“I have seen ¡Three Amigos! 457 times and it keeps getting funnier.”


9. The Bowler

Source: Tom Schierlitz/The Image Bank/Getty Images

Two London hatmakers, Thomas and William Bowler, created the first model of what we now know as the “bowler hat” in 1849 for the younger brother of the 2nd Earl of Leicester. So it’s no wonder that this wardrobe regular of the British Upper Class Twit has become a hated symbol of inbred snobbery and flaunted sophistication. It’s massive body and tiny brim make it virtually useless as a protector from the wind and rain and more of an icon of status and clout since it was originally used to protect horseback riders from low hanging branches during the afternoon fox hunt.

What Does This Hat Say About Me When I Wear It?

“The insurance I pay on this hat cost more than your firstborn son.”

“Vitty well, my good chum. Fancy a drencrom at the Korova Milkbar while I bash you in the gullet?”

“Clearly, I’ve never been bowling in my life.”




8. The Fez

Source: Airedale Brothers/Riser/Getty Images

This recognizable cone cap was made to complement Turkish royalty in the early part of the 19th century but today has been turned into something of a novelty item or a sign of exclusive membership among very old white guys. This noggin-topper doesn’t really have much physical use outside of the status it once carried unless you consider having something to throw up in following the Shriners meeting “useful.”

What Does This Hat Say About Me When I Wear It?

“Which way to the VFW?”

“This is part of my initiation. There’s actually a starving iguana underneath this.”

“Tonight, we dance...the Mamushka!”



7. The Top Hat

Source: Creativ Studio Heinemann/Getty Images

The origins of this regular attendee of drunken weddings, proms, and bar-mitzvahs actually had a rather stark beginning. Its creator, John Hetherington, reportedly incited a riot the first time he wore this tall cranium cover in public in 1797 because of its astounding height. One account claimed that “women fainted at the unusual sight, children screamed, dogs yelled and the younger son of a cordwiner...was thrown by the crowd which was collected (sic) and his right arm was broken.” Why isn't this man still on the FBI’s 10 Most Wanted List?

What Does This Hat Say About Me When I Wear It?

“Ask me to sing ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’ one more time and I’ll drop you where you stand.”

“My other hat is a bowler.”

“Outta my way! I got peanuts to manufacture!”



6. The Beret

Source: Richard Baybutt/Flickr/Getty Images

It might been seen as just another limp and lifeless skull cap for skinny wine drinkers who smoke black cigarettes and marvel at the genius of Jerry Lewis, but it actually has a very rough and rugged history. It’s beginnings date back to the Basques, a people of great fishermen and sailors. The hat moved to the hard-fighting and hard-drinking land of Scotland and soon spread throughout the region and the world as a staple of military superiority and status. So just try cracking a joke at a Green Beret who happens to be wearing one at your neighborhood bar. He’ll make sure it will be the last thing you’ll ever digest.

What Does This Hat Say About Me When I Wear It?

With military insignia on it - “I spent 10 years trapped in a Vietnamese POW camp.”

Without military insignia - “Help, I’m trapped in an invisible box! Send for help!”

“This myth about the beret being wimpy? Busted.”

 

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