The Tiger Woods Conspiracy Theories Get Even Juicier

November 30, 2009

At this point in time everybody knows that Tiger Woods was in a minor car accident outside of his home in Florida over the weekend. However, the details surrounding alleged affairs, spousal abuse, drugs, and impaired driving are starting to circle the internet with a veracity usually reserved for Phil Mickelson sex tapes or Paris Hilton hooked on Phonics infomercials.

Contrary to what I tell college girls on the weekend, I am not a police officer, I have not made my way to the scene of the accident, and Tiger Woods and his hot Swedish wife have not returned my calls for the 543 straight days. Quite frankly, if I didn’t have John Daly on my pub crawl email list, I would have very little interaction with the PGA.

What I do have, however, are the facts of the Tiger Woods car accident. All I’m going to do is lay them out and let you decide what you think happened - like a responsible gossip monger:

Fact: Tiger Woods got into a car accident at around 2:25 a.m. on Saturday morning after hitting a fire hydrant going less than 30 miles-per-hour.

Fact: The back windshield of his car was smashed out by his wife, Elin Nordegren.

Fact: Woods explained that after hearing the crash, his wife grabbed a golf club before knowing what happened, ran out to the car, smashed out the window, and then dragged her husband (who is 100 pounds heavier than she is) out of the vehicle and to safety from a crash which was not severe enough to deploy the airbags.

Fact: Woods is refusing to speak with police about the accident any further.

Fact: The National Enquirer has reported that Woods is having an affair with the woman seen here.

Fact: Woods sustained cuts on his face that may not be consistent with a car accident.

Fact: Woods was driving in shorts, a t-shirt, and no shoes.

Fact: Woods is taking prescription pain medication that may have affected his driving.

These are the facts, and as someone who – for a brief period in the early 1970s was a responsible journalist – I will not jump to conclusions. I will leave it to our readers.

What do you think really happened that night?

Source: Greg Hammerend/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images