Baseball Star Prepares For the Playoffs by Getting Drunk and Fighting With His Wife

October 5, 2009

Just days before FOX decides to interrupt regularly scheduled episodes of Family Guy with what will seem like endless playoff baseball, one of the sport’s most talented players has decided that alcohol abuse and arguing with a woman who can legally take half his money in divorce proceedings is the best way to prepare.

On Friday night, after an evening of drinking to the point where his blood alcohol level nearly eclipsed his batting average, Detroit Tigers’ first baseman Miguel Cabrera returned to his suburban Detroit home and began fighting with his wife after she presumably had the gall to become upset with him for spending the evening in a local hotel. It’s almost like she doesn’t understand that professional athletes are above the law.

Enraged at her husband, Cabrera’s future first ex-wife called the cops, and asked them to remove the American League All-Star from their home and be taken into custody.

While in the local police station, Cabrera was given a blood alcohol test where he registered a .026 BAC and then likely signed a couple autographs for the policeman’s kids that all look up to him as a hero. “Aw, Dad - you got me an autographed copy of Miguel Cabrera’s drunk and disorderly citation. You’re the best!”

Cabrera was released several hours after being fingerprinted and congratulated on another great season at around 7:00a.m. Saturday, but for some odd reason went hitless in the Tigers’ crucial pennant race game later that day. Which, quite frankly, is why he’ll never be half the drunken superstar that Babe Ruth was.

No charges were issued against Cabrera, but everyone at the station is really excited about the Tigers’ postseason run that begins Tuesday night in a single game elimination showdown against the Minnesota Twins.


And yes, Pete Rose, Cabrera is still more likely to see the Hall of Fame than you.

Source: Mark Cunningham/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images