10:00am
Gangland: Race Wars
11:00am
Gangland: Boys of Destruction
12:00pm
Gangland: Road Warriors
1:00pm
Gangland: From Heaven to Hell
2:00pm
Gangland: Gangster City
3:00pm
Gangland: Army of Hate
4:00pm
Gangland: Murder By Numbers
5:30pm
6:30pm
1:30am
5:00am
Paid Program (30): Paid Program (30)
5:00am
Cops: Cell Phone Secrets
5:00am
Paid Program (30): Paid Program (30)
5:00am
Cops: Get Off My Roof
5:00am
Paid Programming - Cont
5:00am
Cops: Guns, Hash, and Fire Hydrants
5:00am
Cops: The Fighting Kind
9:00am
The Departed (2006): Departed, The (2006)
12:30pm
The Expendables (2010): Expendables, The (2010)
3:00pm
Rambo (2008): Rambo (2008)
9:00pm
The Expendables (2010): Expendables, The (2010)

The Eight Strangest Sounding Panels at Comic-Con

by DannyGallagher   July 19, 2011 at 8:00PM  |  Views: 1,641
With our extensive Comic-Con coverage beginning tomorrow and continuing through the weekend, now is a great time to get amped up about all that the event has to offer.


8. So You Want to Be a Comic Book Retailer?

Source: Wade Griffith/Flickr/Getty Images

I'm sure in these days of economic depression and wanton woe that even getting in on the bottom rung of the thriving comic book industry is a step up from high school janitorial work, hot dog cart mustard refiller, or editor of a News Corp. newspaper.

But when I think of Comic-Con, I think of starry-eyed kids who grew up reading "Groo" and "30 Days of Night" behind the comfort of their textbook in the middle of class and dreaming of one day going to the big show and getting their artwork or writing picked up by a major publisher. Going to Comic-Con to learn how to open your own comic book shop is like going to the AVN Awards so you can meet the winner for Best Cinematography.

What You'll Learn:

- Reflexive diaphragm exercises and speech pathology training so you can authoritatively yell "This ain't a library" to kids who just come in the shop to read and not buy anything

- How to use dust jackets to protect your product and disarm a robber

7. Costuming for Conventions

Source: Lauren Nicole/Digital Vision/Getty Images

So you say you've got your tickets for Comic-Con and you're ready to fly out to San Diego all decked up in your homemade Heath Ledger "Joker" outfit, but you have no idea how to make one. Comic-Con will help you get ready for Comic-Con, even though you're technically going to be at Comic-Con.

I'm sure that seminars and panels about how to create stunning costumes from scratch might not sound unfamiliar to the regular convention attendee but having a panel about preparing for conventions at a convention just seems a little counterproductive. It really only makes sense if it's bookended with a panel on "How to Achieve Terminator-rules Time Travel."

What You'll Learn:

- Basics of codpiece construction

- How to haggle the best price for "Big and Tall Spandex"

- A million uses for duct tape

6. Can Comics Send You to Jail?

Source: Seth Joel/Stone/Getty Images

It sounds like something out of a poorly translated version of Ray Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451" but apparently someone out there is actually facing seriously harsh treatment for something as simple as owning or carrying a comic book or a piece of comic art. It's like high school all over again, except you're allowed to bring a lawyer with you.

This panel, helmed by the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, will discuss the implications of customs agents who unlawfully search overseas passengers for something as simple as carrying a comic book into another country "without suspicion of criminal activity." Aren't you glad President Obama didn't close Guantanamo?

What You'll Learn:

- How not to divulge information in police interrogations ("Just give them your name, rank, and D&D character class")

- Imagining happy things like how cool the new "Beavis and Butthead" episodes will be during invasive cavity searches

- Why it's still illegal to carry your "Hellboy" Samaritan revolver through a security checkpoint

5. From Buddha to Batman: Deepak Chopra and Grant Morrison Discuss "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Superheroes"

Source: Chelsea Lauren/WireImage/Getty Images

I'm sure there are a lot of deeper meanings and themes in comic books that go farther than "good is good" and "evil is cool but ultimately bad." Then again, I have a hard time picturing Buddha achieving spiritual peace by hitting someone in the face with a "Batarang."

The panel mainly centers around the spiritual expert Chopra's new book and how the stories of some of the most famous superheroes like Batman and Wolverine use their personal struggles to help the reader better understand their own dark sides and fears. I'm sure he could dedicate an entire chapter to perceived usefulness and Aquaman.

What You'll Learn:

- Achieving inner calm and oneness through ass-kicking

- Maximizing man's awesome powers of observation for important tasks other than awkwardly staring at Wonder Woman's boobs

THE DAILY FOUR

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