Shocking Report Reveals Athletes Getting Special Treatment

November 4, 2009

Apparently Canada’s version of Universal Healthcare mandates that every citizen receives a basic level of medical coverage… right after professional hockey players are taken care of.

In a scandal sweeping through all six of Canada’s major media outlets (Yes! Including the Saskatchewan Tribune), sources claim that Calgary Flames players and their families received swine flu vaccinations earlier this week, while thousands of less important people were turned away from various clinics.

According to TSN, the health minister responsible for giving the NHL players special treatment has been fired, and that the necessary precautions have been taken to ensure that professional athletes have to stand in long lines and receive sub-par care like the rest of the citizenry.

Well done, Canada! Sprinkle in a strip club arrest and a couple illegitimate children and you’ve got the most American-sounding sports scandal to come out of the Great White North since the alleged Rickey Henderson-John Olerud sex tape.

Source: Choice/Getty Images

thanks to Jeff Glasner (a real life Canadian) for the tip.