Beer Battered Chicken

August 27, 2008

This past weekend I went in search for, as some would say, afternoon breakfast. But it seems that the restaurants in my neighborhood all had one thing in common, a large quantity of lazy bastards like me who were all trying to eat something big and delicious that would make the hangover stop. After abandoning ship at three different diners because of the wait I blew out some hard thought snot rockets and decided to cook. Doritos and a Vital-T vitamin water also helped. It was decided that we, my starvacious redheaded girlfriend and I, were past breakfast and onto lunch, more specifically some kind of chicken. And what better way to cook chicken then to throw it in beer batter and fry the f@#$ out of the fowl. Here's what happened:

We took a bag of uncooked chicken tenders, you can use frozen or fresh, and threw them into a batter made by beating one large egg together with, 3/4 a cup of beer (I like using Guiness), one cup of all-purpose flour, one teaspoon of baking soda, salt and pepper, and maybe a little Tobasco if you've got balls or a fiery starvacious redheaded girlfriend.

Before this happened I turned one of the burners on the stove to medium-high and using a medium size skillet, heated 1 1/2 cups of vegetable oil to a temperature that the batter would immediately pop and sizzle but not burn the oil.


Next using tongs I dipped the tenders one by one into the batter and then carefully into the oil, making sizzling sounds thewhole time with my mouth. Then I fried them for about 5-6 minutes turning them every minute. Took them out and laid them on a few sheets of paper towel (suck it environment) to absorb the extra grease which I then later used to shine up my jury curl, head and chest.

I ate my little happy meal, burped, farted, scratched then had sex with my girlfriend. It's so easy a two year old could do it!