The Top 10 Hot Chicks with Ugly Dudes

September 29, 2009

The laws of attraction usually mean that beautiful people date the beautiful, the regular folks end up with each other, and the ugly die alone. If you’re a hot celebrity, then the world’s your oyster when it comes to nabbing an attractive mate. Not so with these famous ladies. If love is blind, then these women are as blind as bats.

Source: Splash News

10. Anna Faris and Chris Pratt

Bubbly blonde Anna Faris rushed down the aisle for the second time over the summer, marrying actor Chris Pratt. The couple reportedly tied the knot on July 9th in Bali after dating for a relatively short period of time. Pratt has appeared as a series regular on TV shows such as Everwood, The OC, and Parks and Recreation.

The newlyweds were photographed days after getting hitched and looked, well, you decide. Pratt paraded along the beach wearing a patriotic Speedo and showing off his impressive beer belly. This guy is pudgy, goofy, and totally awesome. Mr. Pratt had only been married a matter of days and already he’s like, “F@#$ it. I’m going to let it all hang out.” This is something only a married guy can get away with. When you’re married, your wife finds this kind of behavior cute and adorable. When you’re not, you get dumped.

 9. Malin Ackerman and Roberto Zincone

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When Malin Ackerman met little-known Italian musician Roberto Zincone, she didn’t speak any Italian and his English was spotty. Instead they communicated through the language of love and with the help of a small bilingual dictionary. The star of Watchmen married her pocket-rocket Italian stallion in a fairytale wedding in the summer of 2007.  

The reason Roberto landed such a fine woman is simple. It’s because he’s foreign. Foreign men have a clear advantage over regular guys when it comes to romance and dating. Instead of needing to rely on good looks or a large fortune, these foreign men woo our women with foreign accents and exotic pasts.

8. Paulina Porizkova and Ric Ocasek

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Paulina Porizkova is a former model and actress who was recently a judge on America’s Next Top Model. The model has had a long and distinguished career modeling for magazines such as Sports Illustrated and Playboy. She's also dabbled with acting and written a book. With such accomplishment you’d think she would be able to have her pick of men. So who does this Czech beauty choose? A man that looks like a walking skeleton.

Paulina married Ric Ocasek, the lead singer of The Cars, in 1989 and ever since she’s been doing her best not to break him in two. It's rumored that she carries Krazy Glue at all times, just in case Ric has an accident and needs to be stuck back together. For once, the supermodel is the one that doesn't need a cheeseburger.

7. Kristy Hinze and James H. Clark

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Kristy Hinze is an internationally known Aussie model who has modeled for Sports Illustrated and Victoria’s Secret. She also hosts the Australian version of Project Runway. Early this year Hinze set tongues wagging across Australia when she got hitched to Silicon Valley billionaire James H. Clark, who at age 65 is more than double Kristy’s age. In the couple’s wedding photographs it looks like Kristy is standing with the father of the bride, not the groom. The only thing that gives it away is Clark’s huge smile. Even with his billions, this guy knows he’s a lucky man.

Kristy says the 36 year age difference is not a concern, telling the Australian Women's Weekly, “To me, it was different to hang out with someone with something to say that was so interesting and important and who was truly, incredibly intelligent. He's handsome and has so much charisma - and he's so funny.” Also it doesn’t hurt that he has billions and billions of dollars. I guess love is a funny thing.

6. Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green

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There is no question that Megan Fox is hot. She oozes sex with her pouty lips and piercing eyes. Fox knows what her male audience likes and draws them in with her tantalizing tales of forbidden lesbian love and how she’d like to get it on like an ox with Olivia Wilde. The truth is Ms. Fox is all talk and what proves it is her relationship with a washed-up teen television actor.

Brian Austin Green isn’t technically “ugly,” but let’s face it, he’s Brian Austin Green and she’s Megan Fox. It’s like if you went to buy a sandwich, could have any sandwich in world, and you settle for ham (without mayo or mustard). Now don’t get me wrong, this dude used to be cool, once, but that was way back in the 1990s when he was spinning discs and making out with Tori Spelling on the original Beverly Hills 90210. Now he’s simply the guy who stole Fox’s best years.

5. Heidi Klum and Seal

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Heidi Klum is married to the British singer Seal and, by all accounts, they have a wonderful relationship and are very much in love. That said, Seal’s face is horribly disfigured from a childhood form of lupus called discoid lupus erythematosus, a condition where the immune cells attack body tissue. If not treated, it can form horrendous scarring, as in Seal’s case.

The couple got together after meeting briefly in 2003 at a British awards show. Seal remembers seeing her and thinking “'Wow, whoever goes out with that girl is one lucky guy.” The following year they bumped into each other in the lobby of a New York City hotel and Seal became that man. Seal was returning from the gym, wearing spandex and Heidi was apparently impressed with what she saw of his package and asked him out for pizza. The two started dating, though the relationship was complicated because Heidi was pregnant with Renault Formula One owner Flavio Briatore’s baby, who it must be said is way uglier and older than Seal.

4. Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Jerry Ferrara

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It’s hard to believe that Jamie-Lynn Sigler is dating Turtle from Entourage in real life, but it’s true. She and Jerry Ferrara hooked up shortly after meeting on set and filming their first scene together.

Jamie-Lynn recently dished the dirt on the relationship to Hollywood Scoop, saying, “This is the first time I've ever dated anyone in the industry, and it's kind of nice. It’s nice to have someone that understands kind of what you do, it’s a thing that we have in common a thing that we share, it’s all wonderful all good. There’s nothing wrong with it.” Aww, how sweet.

This relationship gives overweight men everywhere hope, because let’s face it, beautiful women don’t date fat guys. Right? Well, that’s what ABC New reporter Dan Harris thinks. He recently interviewed Ms. Sigler and asked her, “In real life, do you think that beautiful women do or would date fat dudes?” Umm, that’s embarrassing. Jamie-Lynn awkwardly answered “Yes” and the world’s fat men collectively rejoiced.

3. Katy Perry and Travis McCoy

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Katy Perry has been dating Travis McCoy, the lead singer of kidz hip-pop boy band Gym Class Heroes, since early 2008. It’s a pairing that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Katy Perry is bright, bubbly, pleasant on the eye, and sweet as pie. Mr. McCoy looks like he was just released from prison after serving time for cruelty against music.

This is one relationship that keeps me, and probably most men, up at night. Sometimes I wake in fright in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat screaming, “WHY?!” Why would someone like Katy Perry, who can craft a catchy pop tune, is totally hot, and has great milky white breasts, be attracted to a haughty, faux-gangsta rapper with a Monroe piercing? Does that mean I need to bling out and pretend to be hardcore to get a nice girl?

It would be different if this guy was a talented musician, but he’s more of a poseur than musician. When this guy sings he has two expressions, bored and smug. He sings with an attitude of arrogance, like he's the most hardcore rapper in the world, when the truth is he and his band sold out faster than the donuts at Kirstie Alley’s local Krispy Kreme. Please Katy, you can do much, much better!

2. Marisa Miller and Griffin Guess

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Marisa Miller is one of the hottest women in the world, yet she’s married to a dude who can be charitably described as “incredibly douchey.” Seriously, what grown man spends that much time shaping and styling their hair? Why would you even want hair like that? To top it off, Marisa’s man has a seriously douchey name - Griffin Guess. To be fair, most men would walk around with a sense of arrogance and cocksureness if they’d landed Ms. Miller.

Mr. Miller is somewhat accomplished in his own right, even if he is Marisa’s second husband.  He is reportedly a music producer and talent manager who successfully started his own record company. He has been described as a “music mogul” by a Malibu newspaper and has worked on projects with such artists as Kanye West, Andre 3000, Jay Z, 50 Cent, Weezer, and Eminem. At least one of those guys should've told him to get a haircut.

1. Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman

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They say that love is blind and, in the case of Christina Aguilera, it couldn’t be truer. The "Genie in a Bottle" singer is still head-over-heels in love with her husband of five years, Jordan Bratman. The happy couple met in late 2001 after Bratman started working at her record company. They started dating the following year and by 2005 they were married. Last year they welcomed their first child.

Life may be blissful for Ms. Aguilera, but her fans have not taken kindly to Mr. Aguilera’s looks. He has been described by some fans as looking like a “monkey” and “hideously ugly.”  Ouch. Now I can understand that a guy doesn’t need to be an Abercrombie model or an action hero to land a beautiful woman. Heck, even Lyle Lovett managed to score Julia Robert for a hot second. However, truth be told, it’s obvious that Jordan Bratman has gotten into numerous fights with the ugly stick and lost them all.

What Mr. Bratman may lack in the looks department, he certainly makes up for it in spades in the romance department. Christina recently gushed to E! News, “"Jordan just continuously...just makes me fall deeper and deeper in love with him every day. He just exudes such love...and [is] such a great father to Max that it just makes me the happiest woman alive." Jordan keeps his woman happy by surprising her with balloons, leaving love notes, and maintaining a tradition known as Naked Sundays, where the couple spends the day totally naked. Take note men -- women will forgo chiseled cheekbones and pecks for massive amounts of pampering.

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