The bra is the gatekeeper of the female breasts, which is arguably the best job in the world. They lift, support, and push. But not all bras are created equal. Some are stuck in Bizarretown.
Photo: Yoshikazu Tsuno/AFP/Getty Images
10. The Golf Bra
Photo: Yoshikazu Tsuno/AFP/Getty Images
The golf bra makes scoring fun. This bizarre bra combines two things guys love: golf and boobs. Aptly named the "Nice Cup in Bra," this strange green corset-style brassiere morphs into a functioning putting green. Once the bra is removed and unwrapped, the miniature green measures approximately five feet long. The breast cup acts as the green’s holes (strange that there are two holes on this green) and if a player scores, a recorded voice announces, “Nice shot.”
The bra also comes with a matching pink skirt that when removed turns into a “Be quiet” flag,” just in case you’re being too loud in your after-hours pursuits. While the makers of the bra say it’s intended for the growing female population who love golf, the practicality of this doesn’t make sense. What are these women meant to golf in? The nude?
Actually, that makes perfect sense.
9. The Musical Bra
Ever wondered what boobs would sound like if they were a musical instrument? Well now you can totally listen to a pair of breasts make beautiful, sweet music. All you need is a musical bra. The folks at Instructables have created the world’s first bra that turns a pair of breasts into a musical instrument.
They took the simple electronics from a toy keyboard and implanted them into a pink sports bra. The resulting prototype features eight different sounds in each cup, which are triggered by built-in buttons. As the breasts move they make sounds, which are projected out of speakers that also contained in the bra. While the bra is definitely not sexy and is probably even horrible to wear, it gives boobs a voice and no matter the sound, it's bound to be beautiful.
8. The Husband-Hunting Bra
Photo: Junko Kimura/Getty Images
Watch out men—there’s a bra that's hunting for your hand in marriage. The bra is desperate to catch you and tie you down with wedded "bliss." Once you are in its grasp you will be made to go shopping for inconsequential household items, talk about feelings, and have all your manliness sucked from you body.
The main component of this bra is a digital clock that sits between the woman’s two breasts. The woman decides an amount of time she thinks it will take to find a husband and programs that time into the bra. The clock then starts a countdown, much like a ticking time bomb, and the pressure is on for the woman to find Mr. Right (or Mr. In-Front-of-Me-Now). Once the woman has found her match, the gallant man must insert an engagement ring into the bra to stop the countdown. Once a ring is inserted, Mendelssohn's "The Wedding March” begins to play. The bra also comes with a pen to sign a prenup or wedding contract and a traditional Japanese wedding holder.
7. The Bacon Bra
One day a man awoke (we’ll call him "awesome man") and decided to combine his too great loves—boobs and bacon. Thus the Bacon Bra was born and the world would never be the same. The bra has absolutely no function, except to add to bacon’s already awe-inspiring stature. It does not provide support, nor does it lift the breasts, moisturize, or maximize cleavage. All it does is provide an excuse to slap some bacon on a pair of breasts.
If anything, the bacon is wasted on these boobs. It should be cooked. It should be consumed. Bacon should never ever go to waste. Mmm … bacon. Mmm… so salty and delicious... Mmm...
6. The Man Bra
Dude, if you have manboobs you gotta give them support. Right? Well, that’s the thought behind the Man Bra. Commonly known as the bro (thanks to Seinfeld), the manssiere, or even the brossiere, this far-from-manly article of clothing is a hit in Japan. The product, officially called the Wish Room's Man Bra, is quickly becoming an online bestseller—which is understandable because what guy in their right mind would walk into a shop and actually purchase one of theses things?
The bra is designed for that man with too much junk in their chest. Unlike the female bra, the male bra is designed to flatten the "moob" and provide support for those men who suffer from Gynecomastia. They come in a variety of colors, including white, black, and pink. If you’re going to buy one of these things, you might as well go all out and purchase the pink one because you know you’ll never get laid again.