Ambitious Seven-Year-Old Begins Life of Crime

May 1, 2008

Nominationsare in for the most hard-core second grader of the year and we’ve got the scoopon the guy at the front of the line.

In avindictive act of retribution against maternal authority, seven-year-oldLatarian Milton lashed out at society in his first crime spree this past Monday. Stealing hisgrandmother’s SUV, Milton rampaged through Palm Beach Gardens, Florida with a sevenyear-old co-conspirator.

Palm Beach Gardens police arepressing charges against Milton for committinggrand theft auto, during the process of which two mailboxes, two parked carsand two moving cars were struck by Milton.

Evincing no contrition over his destructive descent into a life of crime, Milton offered up a chillingly simple motivation for his behavior, stating, “It’s fun to do bad things.” Fun, indeed.I’m sure it’s even more fun to rear a proto-gangster.