ESPN Announces Wacky Plans to Launch New 3D Network

January 5, 2010

In an effort to make watching sports feel a little more like a James Cameron movie, the morally flexible folks at ESPN took a little time off from fighting sexual harassment lawsuits to develop ESPN 3D – which sounds like the greatest contribution to sports since fantasy football or anabolic steroids.

Set to launch on June 11th (during the highly anticipated South Africa vs. Mexico World Cup soccer match that nobody in America has circled on their calendars), ESPN 3D will be an entire channel dedicated to three dimensional programming that will feature over 85 sporting events in the next year including 25 World Cup matches, the Summer X Games, college basketball and football - including the BCS National Championship game in Glendale, Arizona, on January 10, 2011. 

"ESPN's commitment to 3-D is a win for fans and our business partners," ESPN CEO George Bodenheimer said in a statement. "ESPN 3D marries great content with new technology to enhance the fan's viewing experience and puts ESPN at the forefront of the next big advance for TV viewing."

The technology will likely require the purchase of a specialized television, 3D glasses, and a subscription fee for the intriguing new channel. Much like health care, high quality heroin, and organic tomato soup that cures Herpes – this is will be a great opportunity for the richest one percent of the country to take advantage of exciting new scientific advances. 

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