The Top 10 Ways to Ditch the Bad Guys

by Spike   April 30, 2012 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 33,137


5.  Become Immune to the P.I.T. Maneuver

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P.I.T. stands for Precision Immobilization Technique, and it's a move often used by members of law enforcement to quickly disorient drivers and disable their vehicles by pushing the car sideways, which is executed by ramming into the car at rear quarter panel, forcing the vehicle into a spin. However, you can turn the tables on the bad guys by learning how to use the PIT maneuver to do sweet 360 spins on the freeway while the world watches at home. It may not lose the bad guys, but it will definitely endear you to the hearts of millions.

4.  Drive on Two Wheels


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While opportunities to deploy this method are somewhat rare, when properly executed, it basically ensures you're home free. Obviously the first thing to look for is a narrow alleyway or perhaps two dump trucks parked sideways across a street with a small gap between them. Once you've found a similar scenario, keep an eye out for a ramp-like structure to prop your car up on two wheels with. If one isn't readily available, you can try oversteering at low speed to get the car rolling the deuce. This works best with a Suzuki Samurai.

3.  Transform Your Car Into Something Other Than a Car

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The James Bond movies of the '70s really capitalized on this one. From flying AMC Matadors to a submarine Lotus, there's no telling what Bond cars are capable of. And before you go crying to your mama about how "there's no such thing as a submarine car!", take a look at this bad boy. This method pretty much guarantees a safe getaway, as well as the priceless look on your pursuers' faces as you literally fly (or dive) off into the sunset.

2.  Beat the Train


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Time and time again, this one pays off in spades. Of course, the risks are high, but you're in it to win it, right? Think of the train as a mobile road block, and use it to your advantage. Beating the train should provide you with at least a 30 second lead over the bad guys, which gives you plenty of time to blend into traffic. Of course, if you miss your chance, you can always improvise like Hoff would:

1.  Jump Something

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The oldest trick in the book is still the best trick in the book. Never mind the catastrophic damage this will do to your car; harnessing pure, uncut kickass will surely see you through this one. Keep an eye out for bridge construction, ravines, steep streets, semi trucks hauling car carriers, and so on. Sometimes you can even destroy whatever it is you're jumping off of in the process of jumping it, thereby rendering it useless for the bad guys, forcing them to abandon the chase. Now you're home free. And don't worry about that crazy noise coming from the front of the car - it's just the sound of the oil pan scraping on the ground now that your suspension is completely obliterated!

So there it is. No need to thank us, we're here to help. You should take note that the most advanced students of this art (like the Hoff) utilize many of these techniques at the same time to better their odds even more, and you'd do well to follow suit. Godspeed, freedom fighter!

THE DAILY FOUR

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