Ever since Wall Street executives started getting in trouble for defrauding their investors (which for some inexplicable reason is against the law), the community of rich, powerful men in this country have been looking for a shining glimmer of hope to help them sleep easier in the 5,500 square foot houses they can no longer afford to build a second swimming pool for. Someone to show them that the little guy still doesn’t matter and that money can buy happiness… Enter the New York Yankees.
Thanks to their $201 million payroll, “make it rain” free agency strategy and third baseman who could eliminate poverty in at least three different African countries if he wasn't too busy nailing the chick from Almost Famous, the Yankees will have a shot to win their 27th World Series tonight – inspiring a nation of unemployed stock brokers who tragically wonder whether or not they’ll ever be able to afford bottle service or a small yacht again.
Even though they haven’t publically said it yet, you have to assume that Alex Rodriguez and his teammates know how much this win would mean for the greedy scumbag community in this country. It’s been a tough year for billionaires who spend their spare time arguing legal fees and protesting Universal Healthcare, and they could really use the moral victory.
This game is bigger than the New York Yankees. This series isn’t just about baseball. It’s about showing the world that people with the most money end up on top.
Go get ‘em Yankees! The white collar cell block of the North Carolina Club Fed Penitentiary is counting on you!
Source: Chris McGrath/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images