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The Top 10 Teams Nobody Would Miss if They Went Away

by davidbreitman   October 19, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 3,080

5. Pittsburgh Pirates

Photo: Jared Wickerson/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Hypothetically speaking, if the Pirates management held a small press conference (that didn’t interfere with a Steelers game) and announced that the team had decided to call it quits, would anybody take it too hard?

I imagine it would be like when your girlfriend’s older brother goes away to college. Sure, you liked the guy and occasionally asked him to hang out when your other friends were busy. But you’re not going to shed a tear, because Ben Roethlisberger and Sidney Crosby are still in the neighborhood and way more fun at parties. (Well, Big Ben anyways.)

4. San Jose Eathquakes (Major League Soccer)

Photo: Cam Anderson/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Be honest. You just sat there for three seconds before asking yourself “wait, is this a real team, or is it just something Breitman made up for the article?”

I could have put virtually any MLS team here and wouldn’t have made a difference. Nobody would miss this league if it went away, let alone the teams that play in it.

3. Charlotte Bobcats

Photo: Mark Zarrilli/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Michael Jordan's poorly conceived ownership is the only reason this team is allowed to put their website on NBA.com. The Bobcats are the fourth most popular basketball team in their own state and have the majority of their home games broadcasted exclusively on AM radio.

They also rank dead last in “road attendance,” meaning that whenever they travel to a new city, fans would rather see (literally) any other team play.


2. Los Angeles Clippers

Photo: JExara Shaw/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

If the California government decided to get out of debt by nationalizing (or whatever the state version is) Los Angeles basketball, would anybody object if they turned the Clippers into the Los Angeles Lakers Part II?”

Think about it for a second.

The Clippers currently rank 20th in league attendance and are near the bottom of nationally televised game appearances. However, if Blake Griffin, Baron Davis, and Eric Gordon played for the “Lakers Part II,” they’d instantly become one of the most popular teams in the NBA.


1. Phoenix Coyotes

Photo: Christian Petersen/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

The Phoenix Coyotes have become a lot like that freshman cheerleader who used to have a pretty good life until her ex-boyfriend posted naked photos of her on Facebook. Sure, she might seem like an appealing person who made one bad decision, but at the end of the day, nobody wants to associate themselves with the “naked chick who had sex with the shop teacher,” and she’ll eventually have to transfer schools because of it.

Now, if you replace “naked photos” with “building an arena in the middle of nowhere” and “transfer schools” with “relocate back to Winnipeg,” you’ve essentially got the Phoenix Coyotes' current situation. By all accounts, they’re a talented franchise with a lot of positive things going for it. If only they hadn’t made that one critical mistake, they would have been in the running for prom queen.



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