Al Capone vs. The Taliban

February 16, 2011

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 25: Al Capone vs. Taliban

                                              Redemption Match!

Narrator:
Al Capones' Gang; the ruthless gangster whose criminal empire bloodied the streets of depression-era Chicago. Last time around,  Al Capone found out the consequences to his actions, when he was assassinated by the CIA
(We see Al Capone's face blown off by an Exploding Cigar).

Narrator:
Taliban; hard lying religious extremist, who back their beliefs with bullets. Last time, the Taliban tried to spread their influence to a war torn 1940s Germany, but were quickly routed by Hitler's elite shock troops; the Nazi SS.
(We see the Nazi SS commander set the Taliban commander on fire with his Flammenwerfer 41).

                                               WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Al Capone Gang
Reign of Terror: 1922 - 1931
Members :10 - 20
Crimes: Bootlegging & Murder
Lost: (1) CIA

Taliban
Height - 5' 9"
Weight - 160 LBS
Armor - None
Gear - 20 LBS
Lost: (1) Nazi SS

Narrator:  Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons to be used by the famous mobster Al Capone:

Brass Knuckles
Pineapple Grenade
Submachine Gun
Stiletto Knife

Narrator: and see how they fair against the weapons of the fanatical Taliban:

RPG-7
PMN Mine
AK-47
Bayonet

Narrator:  Since both of these warriors have already entered our arena before, we can forgo the testing of said weapons, and skip right to judging. Any tests we need to do will be done at the team's discretion.

Narrator: To start off, our teams will be testing out these two warriors primary firearms: Al Capone's Submachine Gun against the Taliban's AK-47.

Max: This hardly seems fair.

Geoff: I know, the AK-47 is clearly the superior weapon. It's an assault rifle for God's sake.

Max: What? No, I meant pitting simple mobsters to terrorists.

Geoff: Nah, that's fine. Anyway, I think the AK gets the obvious edge.

Max: Well hold on, if we're going to do this, I think the maybe the edge should go to the machine gun for it's higher round capacity.

Dr. Dorian: Looking at the two weapons, I personally think that the differences are pretty arbitrary. But in the end, I will go with the AK, because I think it possess more stopping power then Sub.

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: For the second tests, the two will be testing out their respective explosive weapons: The Taliban PMN Mine against Capone's Pineapple Grenade.

Max: This one has to go to Capone. The PMN Mine is a stationary explosive, while the Pineapple Grenade is more mobile.

Dr. Dorian: But if I remember correctly, the grenade was capable of causing collateral damage. The mine is only going to kill whoever stands on it.

Geoff: Yeah, but I think Max is right, there is no guarantee that the mine will kill anyone, with the Grenade, the chance is much higher.

Edge: Al Capone

Narrator: For the third test, our we will be getting down and  dirty, as our two warriors get up close and personal with: Al Capone's Stiletto Knife against the Taliban's Bayonet.

Max: I never got the Bayonet. If you have a gun, just shoot it.

Geoff: True, but shouldn't the gun element make the Bayonet the deadlier weapon?

Dr. Dorian: Not exactly. If we are looking at the two weapons for what they are, two different knives, then we should compare them like they are two different knives. While the Stiletto Knife perhaps has a longer blade, the Bayonet is still a better Knife.

Geoff: If that's the case, I pick the Bayonet, because I think it's the more lethal weapon.

Max: And I pick the Stiletto because I think it works better for its intended purpose then the Bayonet.

Geoff: I'm not sure that makes since….

Dr. Dorian: Either way, it's still two to one, edge to the Bayonet

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: For our final test, we will compare the special weapons our the two teams: The Taliban's RPG-7 against Capone's Brass Knuckles…… oh God not this again.

Max: How does that keep happening?

Geoff: I don't know, but I think that next time we really need to get that fixed.

Dr. Dorian: True, but for now, we have to go with what we have, which is a very obvious choice. The special goes to the RPG-7.

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle gun totting killers? Al Capone, the leader of one of history's most deadly gangs? Or the Taliban, who kills anyone who dares to question their authority or resist their power?

Close Range Edge: Taliban's Bayonet

Primary Firearm Edge: Taliban's AK-47

Explosive Weapon Edge: Capone's Pineapple Grenade

Special Weapon Edge: Taliban's RPG-7

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place in Afghanistan. In one of the nicer hotels of the country, Al Capone sits, tired after having fled the US after an attempt on his by the CIA. Capone still isn't sure how he got away. He plans to stay in this place for awhile, conducting his "business" until things have cooled off in the states.

Unfortunately for Capone, his presence is not exactly a welcomed one. His business, while successful, was gaining Al Capone all sorts of enemies. Enemies like the Taliban. After their failed attempt to take root in Germany, the Taliban was none to pleased to have some infidel upstart try to start up things on their own homeland.

And that is where this match begins, Al Capone with four of his most trusted men discussing "business" while outside five Taliban cell members gather to kill him.

On a rooftop across from the hotel, a Taliban creeps, trying to remain unseen. Looking through his binoculars, he finds Capone's room, and can see the man pacing back and forth, two others in the room with him. Putting down the binoculars, the man picks up his RPG-7 and aims at the room. When he steadies his missile launcher, he fires…..

Up in the room, Capone is not happy. Business is not going well at all. Those Taliban guys were nuts. Deciding he'd go take a walk, he put on his jacket and got ready to to leave. Just as he opened the door to his room, an explosion behind him knocked him to the ground. Turning around, he saw his room in flames, a hole where his window used to be.

All around him people were screaming about the attack, and evacuating the hotel. It seemed that the Taliban had decided to bring the fight to his doorstep. Gathering his remaining men (one had been blow to pieces by the blast), and got ready to take the back exit.

Al Capone: 4
Taliban: 5


Running down one of the side stairs, the mobsters hear gunfire and angry yelling. Waiting just out of sight, they saw two Taliban members, wielding AK-47s. Seeing them duck back up the stairs, the Taliban charge up the stairs. Thinking quickly, Capone's second takes a Pineapple Grenade from his coat pocket and tosses it around the corner.

The blast sends the two Taliban flying back down the stairs. One snaps his neck and dies, while the other crashes into a table, but manages to live. Seeing one of the infidels peak around the corner, the wounded man fires at him from the ground, surprising him, and managing to hit him in the forehead. Another mobster leaps out, firing his Tommy Gun widely, angry at the death of his comrade. Luckily for him, some of his random shots manage to hit the Taliban in the chest, putting him down for good.

After making sure that no other Taliban were going to jump out at them, the Capone gang make their way toward the exit.

Al Capone: 3
Taliban: 3


Finding the emergency exit, the mobster in the lead kicks the door down. The door opens up into a seemingly empty alleyway. After surveying the land, the mobster steps outside. Right on top of a PMN Mine. The man is blow to bits and two Taliban come running from opposite ends of the alley.

Al Capone: 2
Taliban: 3


Capone and his last follower duck back into the doorway, as the Taliban approach while firing their assault riffles. Using up all their ammo, the Taliban went to use their Bayonets. Capone's second was stabbed in the stomach, and his Tommy Gun knocked from his hand as he raised it. But he fought through the pain, and kicked the Taliban in the chest, then went at him with a pair of Brass Knuckles.

The other Taliban tries to stab Capone in the throat, but Capone leans back out of the way. Reaching into his pocket, he grabs his Stiletto Knife. Grabbing the AK, he pulls the Taliban toward him, and stabs him in the throat. The man gives a fearful gurgle, before he drops down dead.

Al Capone: 2
Taliban: 2


Turning, Capone sees his second in command getting stabbed in the face with the Taliban's bayonet. The Taliban looks at Capone, his face covered with bruises and sporting a broken nose. He tries to stand, but Capone reaches the fallen Tommy Gun and fires a few rounds into his enemies chest.

Al Capone: 1
Taliban: 1


Seeing that he was the only one left in his crew, Capone lowered his head in morning. The only good to come of this was that he had somehow managed to survive the attempt on his life made by these nut-jobs.

On a different rooftop near the alley the final Taliban looks through his scope at Capone. The man was deadlier then he had expected, but now he was alone. Taking careful aim, he couldn't suppress a grin as he prepared to fire. "Goodbye, infidel…."

Capone heard the noise of something flying toward him, but had no time to do anything as the RPG-7 missile came at him. The rocket struck the ground near Al Capone's feet, blasting him backwards into a concrete wall. With every bone in his body shattered beyond repair, Al Capone died.

Al Capone: 0
Taliban: 1


On the rooftop, the Taliban threw his head back and screamed in victory, praising his lord for delivering him victory.

Winner: Taliban

Taliban: 613

AK-47: 352

RPG-7: 170

PMN: 49

Bayonet: 42

Al Capone: 387

Submachine Gun: 246

Pineapple Grenade: 124

Brass Knuckles: 9

Stiletto Knife: 8

Narrator: In this climactic battle of criminal against terrorist, it was the fanatical Taliban that came out on top. With an impressive score of 613 kills, they decimated the crime gang thanks to their AK-47s.

Max: Well of course they won, they had way more impressive weapons!

Dr. Dorian: True. It seems the only weapon that really served a useful purpose to the Capone gang was the Tommy Gun, and even that wasn't nearly enough.

Geoff: While Capone may have been a ruthless and powerful man in his time, against an enemy like the Taliban, he just doesn't stand a chance. He was out done, out gunned, and just plain taken out.

We see the last Taliban, back at the hideout. He reports his success to his superiors, who are quite pleased. Afterwards, he leaves to celebrate with his comrades the death of Al Capone.

The End.

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