9:00am
Gangland: Blood In, Blood Out
10:00am
Gangland: Street Law
11:00am
Gangland: Better Off Dead
12:00pm
Gangland: Capitol Killers
1:00pm
Gangland: Basic Training
2:00pm
Gangland: Maniacal
3:00pm
Gangland: The Devil's Playground
6:30pm
11:15pm
Top 10 Knockouts: Glory Kickboxing
1:15am
1:45am
2:15am
2:45am
3:15am
World's Wildest Police Videos: World's Fastest Chases Special Edition
5:00am
Paid Programming - Cont
5:00am
Cops O: Taser Proof
5:00am
Cops O: I'll Raise My Voice Right Back!
5:00am
Cops O: You'll Shoot Your Eye Out
5:00am
Cops O: We Know Who You Are
5:00am
Paid Program (30)
5:00am
Paid Program (30)
9:00am
Troy (2004)
1:00pm
Conan the Barbarian (2011)
5:30pm

Illegitimate Children Could Really Help American Sports

by davidbreitman   July 06, 2010 at 3:40PM  |  Views: 104

Over the weekend, Cristiano Ronaldo and his American baby mama welcomed an athletic baby boy onto United States soil. Now, if only a fruitful bartender in Pittsburgh can get Sidney Crosby to spread his seed, American sports may finally reach their potential.

Various media outlets (and Ronaldo’s Facebook page) claim that the 25-year-old soccer star fathered a child somewhere in America on Saturday afternoon. Since the kid’s mother is an American citizen and the birth took place in the United States, the boy will enjoy lifelong citizenship.

(Looks like the 2024 U.S. soccer team may have finally found a solution at starting striker.)

Ronaldo has retained sole custody of the child (who will be raised in Europe), where he will enjoy all the benefits that Portuguese nannies and sexually experimental Spanish prep school cheerleaders can offer.

But seriously, there’s got to be a decent looking bartender in Steeltown to help the American hockey team get Sidney Crosby Jr. on the 2028 roster.

Photo: Liu Jiin/AFP/Getty Images

THE DAILY FOUR

SPIKE on facebook