How To Use Boobs to Drink Beer

July 22, 2008


I like beer and I like boobs. It’s a story as old as time but only recently have I been able enjoy them both simultaneously. Now you can too by using these simple and cheap steps to use breasts to consume beer. You’ll be amazed at how much better the beer tastes and at all your new friends.

1. Open the Beer


As this video clearly demonstrates, the female breast can be very useful in opening beer bottles. Countless beer companies have got wind of this and flooded the world with commercials where sexy women use their cleavage to bust open beer bottles (like this and kind of like this). One day all beer will be consumed this way.

2. Hold the Beer


Beer holders are yesterday's news and definitely a waste of money. It is clear that breasts were created to hold something. After much trial and error it's been discovered that beer fits best, either in can or bottle form. As shown above, this is also the perfect way for women to drink beer as they don't need to use their hands. Which means they can use them for something else.

3. Crush Beer Cans for Recycling


Everyone is going green these days and that means recycling. The woman above has an amazing (and extremely scary) talent. She has enough power, weight and size to use her breasts to pulverize beer cans, which is the first step in recycling cans. This use of the female breast is rare, however thanks to the green movement this could really take off.