The 10 Gadgets That Should Be in Every Bar
5. The Beer Cannon
When it comes to seasoned drinkers, no one has it worse than the college dorm dweller. Not only do they have a hard enough time sneaking the sweet stuff past their snooty RA who takes his lack of a regular sex life out on anyone under him (irony!), but the tiny refrigerator makes it impossible to navigate through it for your favorite brand without popping a vertebra.
That’s why every drinker who has to suffer through shuffling through tiny beer fridges needs this beer-launching robot. The dorm buddies who created it not only programmed their fridge to shoot them a brew whenever they want one, but they even taught it how to pick out and toss them a can of their favorite brand. The best part is its all operated by remote. I’m sure the next operating system upgrade includes teaching it to run to the nearest the store for beer runs and helping their operator hit on the honey behind the counter through a Skype hookup.
4. The Bicycle Bar
Beer can pack on a lot of calories, especially if the only exercise you get is yelling at your friend to get you the bendy straw instead of the straight one for your next round.
That’s what makes this next mobile bar such a genius addition to any armchair bartender. Not only is this watering-hole-on-the-go completely mobile, but it goes from drunk to drunk on a bicycle. So not only can you knock back your favorite brewski where ever you go, but you can also knock off the calories after you drink it. That’s assuming, of course, that your bulbous beer belly doesn’t get caught in the chain.
3. Drinkable Wall-Art
Source: The Cool Hunter
Bar builders don’t have much flexibility when it comes to developing a distinct decorative style. You can throw up a dart board on the wall, stick an old fashioned jukebox in the corner, or plaster the place in beer ads featuring scads of scantily-clad ladies inviting you to join them for a long tall drink from their fountains of pleasure with their non-verbal visions of beauty and boobies...and I totally just forgot the point of this set-up.
Oh right, a German artist found a very unique way to give any bar a look that doesn’t immediately remind your friends of every Cheers episode they have ever seen. This stylish line of wall decor also dishes out tasty cocktails that don’t require an art history degree to enjoy. These simple works of multicolored art can not only brighten up any room, but they can also dull the senses of your guests at the same time.
Drinking is fun, but it’s infinitely more enjoyable when you have an activity to gauge your level of drunkenness, not counting your high school SATs.
Introducing the Arkeg, a life-size video game arcade cabinet that not only helps the drunken gamer hearken back to the days when arcades sucked scads of quarters out of their pockets but also helps them forget their inevitable mortality by getting them completely plastered. That’s because the cabinet contains a chilled beer keg that dispenses cold brewskis while you try and rack up the highest Galaga score before you yak all over it and your friend asks you to leave (which still should technically count as a “high score.”)
Source: Jan Greune/LOOK/Getty Images
The only way female breasts could be more inviting and enthralling to the average shallow male is if they dispensed your favorite beer or highly potent potable. Then again, strippers make enough money these days off of gullible drunks like you and me.
Still, if you keep asking God to grant you this one wish in lieu of world peace or a cure for all known flesh-eating diseases, you can finally start praying for those other things. This strap-on beverage keg not only spits out beer and other beverages with the force of your favorite gravity-infused beer bong, it also allows you to suckle it out of man’s true best friends without getting slapped with a restraining order or having to report to court-ordered female sensitivity training “sober this time.”