The 10 Gadgets That Should Be in Every Bar
Every guy’s dream man cave has all of the following: a Scotchgarded stripper pole, a 24-hour Jiffy Lube, and a fully stocked, fully functional bar. And even if you manage to build your own personal castle, it still isn’t complete until your detailed reproduction of “Moe’s Tavern” has each of the following.
Source: Nisian Hughes/Stone/Getty Images
By Danny Gallagher
10. Rapid Beverage Chiller
Nothing ruins a perfect night of drinking more than the taste of a lukewarm libation passing through your lips, down your throat, and directly into your soul. It can really ruin your palate and not even a steel wool tongue scraper and a whole case of Windex can rid your taste buds of that awful memory.
If you’re having trouble keeping enough ice on hand to keep your frosty cold ones cold and/or frosty, what you really need is a rapid cooling device. A really good one can chill an entire bottle of booze in five minutes and a single beer bottle or can in less than one minute. It not only helps you fully enjoy the crisp, clean taste of alcohol in all of its cold smoothiness, but just like your gold plated Hummer, it can also tell global warming to go f*** itself.
9. The Clicker Remote
Source: The Clicker Company
Having only two hands is the drinker’s curse. Two just isn't enough to handle all of the drink dispensing doodads, hooch gizmos and drunken whatadayacallthems. Why couldn’t God have given us at least one more arm? That would definitely come in handy when you’re playing the Oakland Raiders drinking game. Having to do shots every time one of them gets a personal foul or a fan commits felony assault can drive you into a coma if you don’t change the channel in time.
The makers of the “Clicker” have the solution. It’s a universal remote that works on just about any television and it has a bottle opener built into it, so you’re not constantly fumbling for the remote, the bottle opener, and a fresh brew. The only way it could be cooler is if they developed a beer bottle that could not only operate your TV, but also open itself.
8. The Liquor Lock
Source: Sporty's Mens Collection
Face it, you like having your friends over for a drink or seven but they also got their Ph.D in mooching with a master’s degree in freeloading. It’s nearly impossible to keep your liquor cabinet fully stocked with high quality booze when they are emptying it faster than your bladder at a nickel beer night ballgame.
So lock those bad boys up with a bottle combination lock that actually protects your finer hooch from the thirsty mouths of your friends who are too cheap to buy their own stuff. Not only will they have to know the combination to unlock your finest bottle of vodka or Courvoisier, but chances are they will have already gone through all your cheap stuff and don’t possess the motor skills or the cognitive facilities needed to understand such complex concepts as “numbers” or “memory.”
7. Self-Refrigerating Beer Server
Drinking is supposed to be relaxing, but it’s hard to enjoy your favorite brew when you’re constantly getting up and running to your mini-fridge for one of your drunken friends who may or may not throw up if he stands up too fast.
Instead of hiring an indentured servant to walk that five extra feet to the bar or developing friends with stronger digestive systems, why not let technology go on a beer run for you? This robot from Japan not only cracks open and pours you a beer, but it also keeps them cold in its personal cooled container. The only way it could be better is if it came with a lifetime warranty that guaranteed it would still serve the humans during the inevitable robot uprising.
6. The Bottom Filling Beer Dispenser
Nothing is more annoying to a seasoned beer drinker than having to fight through an Earth’s core-sized layer of foam to get to the magic core of heaven juice.
This beer dispenser not only pours the perfect pour every time you flick it on, but it harnesses the awesome power of magic to fill your beer glass through the bottom. It’s a brilliant and some would say puzzling method of perfecting the perfect pour and eliminating man’s least favorite form of “head.”