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I Just Wanted Some Protein Bars

by Robbie E   August 22, 2013 at 12:00AM  |  Views: 3,765


What's up, bro? I just got back from the food store... and bro! Why do weird things always happen to me there bro? I swear the food store is a jungle, bro. I feel like I should share some of my crazy food store experiences, bro. Here are some of the most outrageous things I can remember that happened to me at the food store.

5 - The 72 Year Old - I swear someone who had to be at least 72 years old hit on me, bro. And I don't mean just hit on me. I mean, straight up, raging, fully hit on me -- completely wanted this bro man. And what made it weirder was that he was a dude. I mean, that's cool and all, and if he's into dudes, of course he's into me. But that's the last time I go in the aisle where they sell prunes, bro.

4 - The Little Kid - I was walking in the toy aisle minding my own business like regular 29 year old bro mans do and this 6 year old who must have been downing energy drinks all day starts hitting me with a plastic sword. Well, this bro man knows how to fight. So, of course I picked up another plastic sword and went back at him. I got the "W" and of course knocked the kid down to teach him a lesson. Where were his parents, bro?

3 - Joseph Park - Every aisle I went into I kept having people coming up to me, recognizing me and then asking if I was Joseph Park. Do I look like freaking Joseph Park, bro? Do I? Just thinking of that day last month makes me so mad, bro. He will never be a bro man.

2 - The Five Girls - This was a brutal day. Every other aisle I kept seeing these random girls I have... let's call it "dated" in the past. Maybe "dated" is a strong word for what went down, but regardless, bro, the thing is they all think they are my girlfriend, and I know none of their names. I was all over the place and couldn't leave because I needed things for a date that night with... bro, I don't remember her name either!

1 - Robbed - I got robbed last week when I was walking to my car late at night. Person wouldn't let me turn around and poked a gun in my back. I gave him all my cash, my groceries and my pants, bro. When I heard the wheels speed away I knew it was a big wheel. The same 6 year old I beat with a sword in aisle number 4, bro. He got me back. Ugh.

Until next time... OH! This was my blog, bro.

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