Sexy Canadian Woman is America's Best Ally

June 16, 2010

Last weekend, the American soccer team earned a nationally celebrated tie against their oppressive British counterparts thanks to a major goaltending gaffe by the English side. Today we learned that a 23-year-old Canadian model (who appeared in a Hillary Duff video) is to blame.

According to British tabloids, disgraced British netminder Robert Green had been so distraught over his break-up with Toronto-based model Elizabeth Minett that he was unable to properly prepare for his showdown against the United States.

Sources claim that the embarrassing goal Green allowed was not because of temporary blindness or childlike, but rather the result of a broken heart.

When local school children are burning garbage on his front lawn this afternoon, they should probably be a little more careful than usual. After all, dried tears and the smell of desperation are highly flammable.

Photo: Mainboard Management