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The Top 10 Creepiest Commercial Mascots of All Time

by DannyGallagher   October 08, 2009 at 10:25PM  |  Views: 2,453

5. Snuggles the Fabric Softener Bear


Source: Sun Products Corp.

Imagine you're doing your laundry after a long hard day at work. You're pulling a giant load of warm fabric goodness out of the dryer and a bear suddenly jumps out of the pile. Whether that bear is a meat-eating grizzly or a cute and cuddly cub, you'd find the heaviest object you could and smash it to within an inch of its life just so you could make sure it could watch itself die. And if it talked, you wouldn't even give it a chance to plead for its own life.

4. Lamisil's "Digger the Dermatophyte"


Source: Novartis

Digger is a role model for foot fetishists. He loves feet so much that he spends all of his free time living in them. Give that same guy a demon face that gives Satan the shivers and skin with a fungal hue and you've got perfect cartoon evil...or Gary Busey.

3. Enzyte's "Smilin' Bob"

Normally, a guy like Bob would have the most punchable face in human history since Kanye West. But given the nature of the product that has Bob so smiley, you wouldn't want to lay a single finger on him. Bob's apparently so happy because of a little magic pill that has another part of his anatomy stretching from ear to ear, a claim that, uh, some friends of mine have heard a million times in my, er, their lifetime. Apparently, the Justice Department also fell for Bob's claims since the guy who created Enzyte is serving hard time, and probably wishing that his cellmates didn't benefit from the effects of natural male enhancement. Who's smiling now?

2. Tampax's "Mother Nature"


Source: Procter & Gamble

Ads for feminine care products are already naturally creepy. They don't need a mascot. These Tampax ads that deal with a topic that makes Marines who served in the "big suck" quiver until parts of them start falling off actually gives a face to that one special time a month when women become women and men become physically ill, making that face the face of unholy evil. That's not a crack at the actress hired to play the part. Any face in the same position would be labeled as the face of pure evil. Tampax could have hired Eva Longoria to play their "Period Fairy" and guys around the world would still have a reason to need a prescription for Enzyte.

1. Quiznos' "Put It In Me" Oven

The goal of all advertising is to get your animal instincts riled up for something it didn't know that it needed. It drives your sexual desires to want, nay need, the thing it's advertising. It's hard to say exactly what sexual desires these confusing Quiznos' ads are driving you to desire: its foot long meat-sicles or its meat-sicle-loving ovens.

If anything, it turns their audience away from buying their subs since it makes them think Quiznos employees are putting everything but their sandwiches in their ovens.