The Top 10 Ways to Make Next Year's Super Bowl Better
5. Interview Athletes Who Look Frustrated and Ready to Crack during Half-Time
Nobody likes hearing an educated coach choose his words carefully while trying not to stare at Suzy Kolber’s breasts. The American public wants a quasi-racist linebacker accusing his quarterback of shaving points or partying too hard at the strip club the night before.
4. Create a Super-Special Touchdown worth 20 points
This way the game will never be completely out of reach.
3. Allow the Cast of Glee to play Special Teams
Photo: Steve Granitz/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
This way the announcers won’t have to plug the show every 30 seconds. Executive Producers could enjoy publicity (they don’t need) every time the 31-year-old high school sophomore runs down a punt return.
2. Never Let the Dallas Cowboys Play In It
By far, the best part of yesterday’s game was the constant “imagine how tough this must be for Jerry Jones” comments from the broadcast booth. If we can focus on how disappointed Cowboys fans must be every year, the game will never be a complete loss.
1. Make a Wrangler Jeans Commercial Where John Madden Spends 30 Seconds Telling Brett Favre How Great They Make His Ass Look
Photo: Scott Hallerin/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
Seriously, how has this not happened yet?