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The Top 10 Weirdest Products on Amazon.com

by DannyHarkins   July 13, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 2,943

Amazon is mainly a website that sells books and games and assorted other normal everyday products. But in the dark back alleys of Amazon, in the places most people stay clear of, are a number of products that, well, are weird. Really weird.

Source: Amazon.com

By Danny Harkins

 

10. A Gallon of Milk

I'm not entirely sure who exactly needs a gallon of milk, delivered within one week and, probably, slightly warm, but I guess these people must exist, or else Amazon wouldn't be selling it. It costs $77.76, so if you're absolutely desperate for some cereal or coffee, you're all out of milk, you've got $80 and you're prepared to wait a couple of days, then this is the product for you, crazy person.

Customers who bought this item also bought...

A book called The Wolf Almanac: A Celebration of Wolves and Their World, because people who order a gallon of milk online do not make rational or logical buying decisions.

Funniest Review

"Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!"

 

9. Steering Wheel Desk Tray

I can't tell you how many times I've been driving along the highway, using my mobile phone with one hand, drinking some coffee with the other and trying to play Call of Duty on a laptop balanced on my knees. If only there was some product that would allow me to conveniently do all three things at once. Well now there is! With this handy wheel desk tray, you can do all of these activities and more, the "more" consisting mainly of crashing into a truck and sustaining severe spinal injuries.

Customers who bought this item also bought...

Bioshock 2 and forceps. Bioshock 2 to play on the wheel tray, the forceps to close off your ruptured arteries that are spilling blood all over the car that just smashed through your windscreen.

Funniest Review

"Wow is this thing great! I use it as a 'mini-bar' when the friends and I go out to the bars. I can quickly fix multiple shots of tequila for myself and the friends as we drive from one bar to the next. We also discovered that if you place a pillow on top of it and turn on the cruise control you can catch quick naps on the interstate. Also, I am now dating a midget and she fits nicely on the steering wheel desk which allows us to experiment sexually while driving. This thing is like WD-40 or duct tape, it has a million and one uses!"

 

8. 32 Ounces of Wolf Urine

I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why someone would want 32 ounces of animal piss. Hunting, right? Something like that? Still, if I ordered it, I'd want it delivered in a plain brown box, just so the deliveryman didn't think I was a pervert.

Customers who bought this item also bought...

32 ounces of coyote urine. If you order both of these at once, prepare to get some strange looks from your bank manager next time he sees your credit statement.

Funniest Review

"Today is Valentine's Day and I hoped that a little splash of this would drive my lady wild. But alas... I sleep alone again. Also I keep hearing all this howling outside my bedroom."

 

7. UFO Detector

The UFO detector is designed to "sense disturbances" and will signal a UFO's presence by "flashing an LED and beeping." Now, I'm no big city scientist, but that looks like some randomly connected electronics in a cheap plastic case to me. It only costs $149.95 though, which is pretty cheap considering it can detect things that don't actually exist using technology that doesn't make any sense. 

Customers who bought this item also bought...

Razor blades, for the mass suicide when the aliens come i.e. when the cheap electronics break on the UFO detector and it starts beeping repeatedly.

Funniest Review

"I only got my grade 10 and there's a lotta stuff that goes over my head, but it's plain to me that this thing ain't no UFO detector ... it's a transmitter that them aliens use to home in on their next probin victim. The other reviews show all kinds of folks what bought this thing and then got unwanted visitors at their back door. See the connection? It ain't no coincidents.

My theory is that the company sellin this thing "Images SI Inc" is run by hoorny aliens. This here UFO-01 is like a Martian's daterape drug. Even worse (or maybe better?): they make money on us humans buying the things from them and then they get a booty call as soon as the thing ships.  So in a way, them aliens running "Images SI Inc" are intergalactive prostotutes."

 

6. Coffin

Why would anyone buy a coffin online? Do people shop around for coffins? Are there coffin comparison websites? In any case, if you need a coffin at short notice, Amazon's the place to go. Maybe you accidentally killed a guy, or you work for the mob. 

Customers who bought this item also bought...

An alarm system. Bought, I guess, by a vampire who wants to make sure he wakes up if any Val Helsing wannabe opens up his new coffin.

Funniest Review

"My grand daughter picked it up weeks before I passed away. I spent the remainder of my days comfortable. Three floods and my body hasn't sank. I am all bones now so not much to wash away."

 

 

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