The Top Seven Worst Bands That Hipsters Love

April 25, 2009

Hipsters seem to love getting to things before everybody else just so they can say that they were ahead of the game. They never want to admit that they haven’t heard of a random thrift store, a particular piece of art, or some random indie film. Music has always been the worst though. I feel bad for artists that get placed on this unbelievably high pedestal by neon flannel-wearing douchebags, but I refuse to let these fools get away with this crap.


7. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

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Source: Gary Miller/Getty Images

If it was the ‘80s this band would have been filed under the one-hit wonder category. The reason why I say this is because they really only have one decent song and were very overblown in terms of talent, sound, and songwriting ability. I am, of course, talking about the song "Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood" by the way.

If you can actually get through an entire CYHSY record without stabbing yourself in the ears with a rusty screwdriver due to the lead singer’s skin-curdling vocals, you are a better man than I. I’m all for David Byrne-like vocals, but this dude Alec Ounsworth just ain’t cuttin’ it. The band recently performed on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and it was awful. The vocals were a joke and the song was average, at best.

6. Peter Bjorn and John

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Source: Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images

If you're going to jump down my throat over this pick, you really need to ask yourself one question: Is this band actually good? Come on, you know the answer is "no."

I just saw these Swedish dudes at SXSW as well as Coachella recently and it was pretty bland to say the least. Their songs in particular are so boring it makes me sleepy just writing about them.

I gotta say what everyone is thinking though: “Young Folks” is a really good song. This aside, the band really doesn’t have anything else to fall back in terms of other solid material. There are a couple halfway decent tracks on their critically-acclaimed Writer's Block LP, but they are totally forgettable and not as mind-blowing as hipster die-hards have made them out to be. “Young Folks” is a perfect karaoke song and nothing more.

5. Times New Viking

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Source: Gary Wolstenholme/Getty Images

When I bought this record a while back I thought I knew what I was getting into. I thought the LP would be filled will some skillfully crafted lo-fi/no-fi tunes straight outta the city of Columbus, Ohio. What I got was a record that was almost unlistenable. Literally. There is so much distortion on the record that it’s overdriven to the point of being incomprehensible.

I’m all for that My Bloody Valentine/No Age sound that they try to pull off, but all the songs off of Times’ Rip It Off LP are just a jumbled mess.

4. Pains Of Being Pure at Heart

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Source: Melissa Stetten

These kids are very sweet people, but their musical ability and live performances are some of the most underwhelming around. For a band that has been praised for putting out one of the best records of 2009, I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. If I want to listen to a band that sounds like The Cure, I’ll just listen to The f***ing Cure.

I guarantee that Pains’ next effort will crash and burn because their undedicated hipster fanbase will be out looking for the next best thing that no one has heard of yet.

3. Vivian Girls

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Source: Roger Kisby/Getty Images

The fact that Pitchfork gave this all-girl trio such an unbelievable review for their self-titled LP last year easily proves that the pretentious hipster machine that is P-Fork is not so all-knowing as it has made itself out to be.

First off, the record itself is just plain okay. It’s a mediocre indie surf-rock record. That’s it. The band is even worse live. They can barely play their instruments! They’re like a bunch of little kids playing around in their parent’s basement. I feel bad for unknown bands with actual talent that might have gone to see this band live based on hype alone. It must have been a serious slap in the face after they were obviously disappointed by one of the most ungratifying rock shows on the planet. Where’s this talent you’ve been blogging about? I can’t find it.

2. Wavves

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Source: Roger Kisby/Getty Images

In the past few months, Nathan Williams has been getting a serious amount of blog attention for his independent project Wavves. I totally thought the music was going to rule based on all of the positive hype, but after hearing the records and seeing him live, I am honestly a little bit perplexed over why he got so much love in the first place.

Based on hipster music blogs all over the internet, it’s kind of amazing that they’re making this guy out to be one of the most talented and important artists of the year. Have you listened to this crap? It’s like No Age, but just not as good. Nathan does have a few catchy tunes on his most recent LP Wavvves, but it’s honestly throwaway alt-pop garbage. It has no lasting effect whatsoever. I promise you no one will care about this kid in three months time.

1. M.I.A.

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Source: Dove Shore/Getty Images

Why M.I.A.? Because she is one of the most overrated artists on the planet and can seem to do no wrong in the world of hipster bloggers and their ironically conformed neon-wearing followers.

All of Maya’s success resides in her production. You could put anyone on one of her club anthems and they would still come out the same. Thanks, Mr. Diplo.

And don’t even get me started on her live gigs. Seeing Ms. Arulpragasam at the Grammys this year lip-syncing one sample over and over while real MCs spit legitimate lyrical content made me so frustrated that I wanted to sock her in the gut. Have you actually ever paid attention to her lyrics? It’s like they were written by a 12-year-old school girl. Even her political pieces have an air of heavy immaturity. I’m not sayin’ Maya doesn’t have a few good jams, she’s just not as infinitely brilliant as hipsters make her out to be.

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