United States Court Claims Cheerleading is Not a Sport, Just Like Abraham Lincoln Would Have Wanted

July 22, 2010

A federal judge in Connecticut has ruled that cheerleading does not qualify as a sport and deserves no consideration under collegiate athletic law. The decision has evoked heated debate and made members of both the lawn bowling and curling political action committees less confident in their respective causes.

The landmark decision reached its judicial conclusion after Quinnipiac University cut their women’s volleyball program in order to offer competitive cheer scholarships under Title IX. (Title IX – as previously pointed out by the Spike.com cheerleading news team – states that a school must offer the same amount of athletic scholarships to men and women.)

Members of the college’s athletic department argued that since cheerleading is a sport, the move was in compliance with Title IX regulations. The judge, however, aggressively (aggressive b-e aggressive-ly) disagreed.

"Cheerleading is too underdeveloped and disorganized [to be considered a sport,]” he claimed. “Thus it can't be used to satisfy gender-equity requirements. Competitive cheer may, some time in the future, qualify as a sport under Title IX."

Apparently his courthouse was a cheer-tatorship, not a cheer-ocracy.

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