Pancho Villa vs Bonnie & Clyde

November 22, 2010

Beginning Analysis: What happens when a revolutionary from across the border takes on America's most infamous partners in crime? Read on to see!?


Pancho Villa

Short Range: Machete

Medium Range: Colt Revolver

Long Range: Gatling Gun

Explosive: TNT Stick


Bonnie & Clyde

Short Range: Stiletto Knife

Medium Range: Tommygun

Long Range: Browning Automatic Rifle (BAR)

Explosive: Molotov Cocktail


Who got the Edge

Machete vs Stiletto: The Machete gets the edge. Simply put, it's length & cutting power gives it more room to use in combat.

Colt Revolver vs Tommygun: Unlike Jesse James vs Al Capone, I'm considering this a tie. Like Jesse James, Pancho Villa and his men carried many revolvers on them at all times, and it had good accuracy as far as a pistol is concerned. The Tommygun, on the other hand, has a faster firing rate, as well as a greater ammo capacity.

Gatling Gun vs Browning Automatic Rifle: I considered this one to be a tie at first, but then I decided to give the edge to the Browning Automatic Rifle. The Gatling Gun can deliver some nasty damage, but is practically immobile, and it's accuracy is sometimes brought into question. The BAR, on the other hand, is deadly & isn't too heavy to move around.

TNT Stick vs Molotov Cocktail: The TNT Stick takes an explosive edge over the Molotov Cocktail. Like they said back in season 1, the cocktail isn't deadly as long as none of the flames touch you. The TNT Stick simply has too much of a blast radius to avoid.



In an old fort near the Mexican Border, Pancho Villa & his bandits were celebrating a recent victory. A local village was in need of some money, so Pancho & his men made a daring raid into Texas, and held up a bank for a large sum. They went back to the village, and gave the men & women there what they needed, then went back to their fort with some cash for themselves. Little did they know that someone else was after their money.


Far from their comfort zone, Bonnie & Clyde, as well as 3 associates, had been on the run after a disastrous bank job. They just made it into Mexico, when they heard the sounds of guitars & trumpets playing. Curious, they followed the music to an old fort, from where they saw smoke rising into the sky. Thinking that perhaps they can get come easy cash, they stopped nearby, and got out of their car.


As they got to the front gate of the fort, they failed to notice the one guard making patrols on the wall. The guard managed to shout out "Intrusos!!" before a hail of bullets went through his body.


Pancho Villa: 4/Bonnie & Clyde: 5


Bonnie still gripped the Tommygun in here hands, they turned to Clyde. "Things are never easy, huh?" she asked. "Nope, they aren't." Clyde said. "but at least we have each other."


Feeling a little more comforted, the gangsters and their associates were just about to force open the front gate, when a hail of bullets came streaming through the front door, mowing down the only thug that didn't duck out of the way. His body was still shaking as it fell to the ground with a simplistic thud.


Pancho Villa: 4/Bonnie & Clyde: 4


The stream of bullets was still coming through the door, then all of a sudden they stopped. Grabbing his Browning Automatic Rifle, Clyde crept up to the ruined door, and took a peak to see what was happening.


He saw two men at what appeared to be a multi-barrled gun of some sort. The two men apparently were reloading the device, and that's when Clyde saw his chance. Taking aim, he fired half a clip into the bandit's arm, blowing it off and killing him almost instantly.


Pancho Villa: 3/Bonnie & Clyde: 4


The other bandit, seeing his friend die in front of him, took out his Colt Revolver, and fired off a shot. It hit Clyde in the shoulder, but it was only a grazing wound. Stepping back from the door, he ripped off a piece of his shirt and tied it around the wound. His assailant had ran off, perhaps to warn the others.


Bonnie & Clyde, and their two surviving associates, finally managed to enter the fort after all the bloodshed. For these gangsters, however, this encounter became a little more...personal.


When they got into the main area of the fort, they saw a smoldering fire surrounded by 3 chairs. Guessing that this was where their assailants were earlier, the gangsters kept an eye open for anyone else they might find. Sure enough, a bandit had been creeping up from behind, and was about to get a perfect headshot on Clyde, when one of the two thugs quickly turned around and threw the Molotov Cocktail he was holding right at the bandit's feet. He was light up as quickly as a freshly decorated Christmas tree.


Pancho Villa: 2/Bonnie & Clyde: 4


Knowing that there were probably going to get spotted because of the screaming, the four gangsters kept going further into the fort. To them, it didn't matter about the money anymore. This was now a personal grudge match to the death, one in which they would be coming out of it alive.


Moments later, they arrived at a reinforced door. "Think that's where the cash is?" one of the thugs asked. "Probably." said Bonnie. "You two, break the door open." Bonnie & Clyde took a couple steps back to make sure that if the door was actually trapped, they wouldn't get killed. At first, everythings seemed okay, until Clyde noticed a small red stick near the door, and some wire trailing out from the back of it. Before he could yell "You two mugs, get away from the door!", a blast came up from the ground, blowing the two thugs away, and splintering the door into pieces.


Pancho Villa: 2/Bonnie & Clyde: 2


"Damnit." growled Clyde. "Should have seen that coming.". "It's okay honey, even I didn't see that." Bonnie said in an effort to calm her lover down. Feeling relaxed, the two partners-in-crime went through the opening, hoping to get some loot & blood.


A minute later, they arrived in a room with bags of money. Some of it was neatly piled onto a main table, while others were slumped into the floor half-open. Jackpot, the two gangsters though to themselves. However, before they could claim their prize, two men suddenly stormed into the room, firing off their pistols. Ducking for cover, Bonnie & Clyde overturned a table right next to them for some cover, and their assailants did the same with the money table.


The two sides were trading bullet for bullet, miss for miss. This went on for two minutes, before Bonnie stood from cover, and unleashed hellfire from her Tommygun. Pancho Villa ran from cover, and back through the entrance he came out of earlier. His last surviving bandit, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. He was almost cut in half by the Tommygun's spray of hot lead.


Pancho Villa: 1/Bonnie & Clyde: 2


All of the dust from the gun battle made it difficult for Bonnie & Clyde to see anything, but they did manage to see the opening where Pancho Villa had ran through. Gripping their guns tighter, they went through, still intent on getting some payback.


The hallyway they were walking through was damp, and crowded. There also was much for lighting, but it was enough to see where they were going. The made it to a large storage area, when Pancho Villa managed to sneak a shot at Bonnie's shoulder from behind. She fell to the ground, and dragged herself into a corner. Spinning around in time, Clyde took a shot from his BAR, and managed to shoot the Pistol out of his assailant's hand. Surprised by the accuracy, both men realized that this battle needed to get a little dirty & gritty. Cylde took out the Stiletto Knife from his pocket, while Pancho Villa took from his belt a savage looking blade.


The two men charged at each other, swining their blades away. With each blow being only inches away from each other, they both came to the conclusion that the only way the other would die is if either of them had perfect timing with an attack. Sure enough, Pancho Villa had overswung his Machete, and Clyde stuck his Stiletto into his attacker's chest, then his neck. The corpse that was once Pancho Villa fell to the ground, and kicked it to the side. He dropped his knife to the ground, and went over to Bonnie to check on her.


"You okay?" he said as he caressed her hair. "I'm fine." she said. "It' doesn't hurt that bad. Can we get out of her now!"


"Yeah." Clyde said. "Yeah we can."


Pancho Villa: 0/Bonnie & Clyde: 2


Bonnie & Cylde: 550

Stiletto Knife: 25

Tommygun: 200

Browning Automatic Rifle: 200

Molotov Cocktail: 125


Pancho Villa: 450

Machete: 50

Colt Revolver: 100

Gatling Gun: 100

TNT Stick: 200


Final Examination: Pancho Villa's hit-and-run style of fighting were unable to compare to the teamwork of Bonnie & Clyde. It also helped that modern firearms were brought to the fight.


Strongest Weapon: The Tommygun, Browning Automatic Rifle, and TNT Stick racked up 200 kills each, making them the strongest weapons.


Weakest Weapon: With it's short length and 25 kills, the Stiletto takes the weakest weapon spot this fight.


Later this week: Pirate vs Ninja