The Top 10 Toughest Half Pint Heroes

by DannyGallagher   June 28, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 2,291

 

5. The Dwarves from Time Bandits

Source: Handmade Films

If you're going to steal the greatest historical artifacts in the entire universe and take on the embodiment of all that is evil, you better be short on brains or big on guts. The dwarves from this Terry Gilliam flick have plenty of both, even though they barely add up to an average human height.

These six short employees of the "Supreme Being" loot and pillage their way through time to obtain some of the most sought after artifacts in all of history and end up fighting the ultimate battle against an evil being so evil that he's named "Evil" with everything their grubby little paws can steal. I assume they also had to take a couple of phone books as well, just so they could reach the steering wheel. 

4. Jason "Wee Man" Acuña from Jackass and Jackass Number Two

Source: Wikipedia/Creative Commons

So far, every mini-man or woman on this list has been a fictional character. They've been judged solely on their characters' actions, deeds, and kick-assometers (one of which is the metric equivalent of 5.2 ballsograms, according to the U.S. Department of Weights and Measures).

Skate punk Jason Acuña, better known by his Jackass handle "Wee Man," is the only one on the list who actually takes on the physical and emotional pain he's receiving in his films. In the course of two films, he's been thrown from a giant speeding shopping cart and run over by a raging bull. Still not impressed? He's also wrestled a giant anaconda, bungee jumped off of a falling fat guy, and fought off a swarm of angry bees in a locked limo. A third Jackass film is on the way, so just imagine the kind of twisted tortures he'll have to endure for our morbid amusement.

Try not to imagine them during dinner.

3. The Limo Driver from Me, Myself and Irene

Nothing makes me smile more than watching a scrappy underdog fight back against a seemingly insurmountable mountain of suck. Of course, I'm talking about the midget limo driver who picks a fight with Jim Carrey and not only kicks the holy living hell out of him, but also steals his girl and leaves him with the illegitimate brood.

It's a shame that Hank, the tough alter ego of Jim Carrey's character in this Farrelly Brothers classic, doesn't have a big balls-out showdown with this larger-than-life little guy who appears in the opening scenes of the movie. Their epic battle could cause a mushroom cloud of awesomeness that registers in at 359 million megaholyf***tons.

2. Gimli from The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Source: New Line Cinema

Dwarves of fantasy lore are always scrappy little bastards. They have to be. It's either learn how to wield an axe twice the size of your head or get carried off by some giant eagle with a bear's head and become lunch for its brood of flaming jellyfish.

Gimli, played by the quite tall John Rhys-Davies in an ever-present kneel, has enough toughness for guys three times his size and twice the number of axe-wielding arms. He doesn't just enjoy giving some scaly schmuck a good ass-kicking. He craves it. He wants it. He needs it. He's a methadone addict for mayhem, even if he has to ride piggyback on another soldier's shoulders just so he can cut off his enemies' heads.

 

1. Willow from Willow

Source: Imagine Entertainment

True toughness isn't just possessing the physical prowess of a warrior or the mental dexterity of an Ivy League scholar to face the toughest challenges that life can throw your way. The toughest of the tough have both...and this short stack has more than enough of both.

He not only has the gumption to return a prophesied child to her rightful place, but also to take on the full embodiment of evil, mega-bitch Queen Bavmorda, even though he knows he probably couldn't knock her over if she was half in the bag and he was barreling down on her in a runaway Toyota that's engulfed in fire.

For a little squirt, he's a mighty big man.

 

 

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