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The Top Nine Bands With the Worst Fans

by dsussman   February 23, 2009 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 14,712

It’s funny how bands can influence their followers in such a way that they become completely dedicated to everything the group says or does. This can be a great thing for a band’s financial and commercial success, but it can invoke hatred from outsiders due to the fan’s collective stupidity, ignorance, and mindless devotion to anything the band creates.

By Dustin Sussman

The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.


9. The Grateful Dead


Source: Steve Eason/Getty Images

I’m gonna go ahead and say now that as a band, The Grateful Dead isn’t as bad as everybody makes them out to be. They do have some really amazing songs. Blues For Allah is a great f***ing record, and it’s not their fault their fans act like every single one of their lives sets is the greatest thing since the iPhone. I feel like the fans kinda turned the band in a cartoon cliché of what they originally were back in the ‘60s. It was like the Deadhead community was growing like the plague and the band had no control over it. Freakin’ longhairs.

I guess people just hate hippies. Sorry, Jerry.

8. Fall Out Boy


Source: Paul Hawthorne/Getty Images

Even though this band made their millions and are now officially falling of the pop map, I still want to point out how dumb and naive their followers are.

How can you be a fan a band that tries to make fun of pop clichés when they are the f***ing clichés themselves? I can’t deny that these talentless assclowns made a buttload of money pretty much overnight, but I find it disgusting that they wrap themselves in a fanbase of mindless teenage girls. If I was a parent and my teenage daughter had a poster of Pete Wentz on her wall, I would throw her in a box and ship her to Burma.

You can toss their fans in the "teeny bopper" category, but these goth-poppers actually think they’re non-conforming by listening to these dickless goobers.

7. Tokio Hotel


Source: Daniele Venturelli/Getty Images

When I wrote my year-end Top 10 Worst Music Videos of 2008 list I of course threw a Tokio Hotel video in at the #4 spot. After featuring the list, I got an endless stream of comments and personal messages from their 12-year-old fans telling me how stupid I am for putting them on the list. What kind of Kool-Aid are these fruity emo f***s feeding these girls?

First off, their music is just plain horrible. All of their songs are watered-down melodic pop/rock with the worst lyrics I have ever heard in my life. They’re like a goth boy band who grew up on David Hasselhoff and Bauhaus. I just hope these little girls understand that in two years time they will be spending weeks on end trying to figure out why they even bought into this band’s music in the first. I guarantee Tokio Hotel will be on an episode of “Where Are They Now” in the very near future. Guaranteed!

6. Madonna


Source: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

If it wasn’t for fat chicks and gay men, Madonna’s career would have been over a long time ago. (This goes for Britney Spears as well). Seriously, when was the last time this women actually put out a half-decent album? Her fans are so braindead that they will buy into any new persona Madonna reinvents herself as.

“I’m a slut. No, wait, I’m political. No. No, wait, I’m a washed-up 50-year-old disco queen wearing really revealing spandex.”

It’s unbelievable to think that these dumbasses went ahead and paid upwards of $300 a ticket to see her perform live. Can you believe that they helped Madonna gross $281.6 million worth of tickets for her Sticky and Sweet tour last year? If you want to see an old women in spandex rolling around on stage just go watch my grandma get down at her retirement home aerobics class in Miami. It’s free!

5. The Dave Matthews Band


Source: Paul Natkin/Getty Images

This goes out to every douchey frat guy that used a Dave Matthews song to get laid in college.

Dave Matthews fans are like a cleaner, richer, and cheesier version of a Deadhead. They eat up every single thing the band puts out and drop ridiculous sums of money to see the band play the same set list show after show. I also find it annoying that they always refer to the band as "Dave."
“Did you see Dave this weekend? It was a killer set, man. They closed the show with ‘Crash’ and ‘Tripping Billies.’ Unreal, bra!” 

Blow me. Why do most rich white collar Americans always have the worst taste in music? Farm Aid would be out of business if they stopped listening though.

(All respects to Willie Nelson BTW…)