Guys love hot women. And while there's nothing wrong with that, some people think that there's an inverse relationship between a women's hotness and her smartness. But look a little deeper than the blinding smiles and perfect figures, and you may find that some hot women have a lot going on upstairs too.
By Geoff Shakespeare
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When most people think of Colombian singing superstar Shakira, they think of long blonde hair, sultry Latin beats, and impossibly flexible hips. What few people outside her native Colombia know, however, is that she's one brainy firecracker. Growing up in a family of eleven, Shakira was always bright and did well in school. She wrote her first poem at the age of four and at seven (when most girls are angling for a Barbie Corvette) she asked her parents for a typewriter so she could write more. Eventually, she started writing songs and belly dancing. She was so into belly dancing that she used to perform original dances for her classmates at school every Friday, which her male classmates quiet renamed "the best f***ing day of the week."
Shakira released her first album when she was only thirteen, and it contained songs she had written at eight. After her first couple of records didn't do very well, Shakira took over the producing and since then she's become the biggest selling Latin American artist of all time. She speaks four languages, plays a jazillion instruments, and is a world renowned fundraiser for charity. She was a UN Goodwill Ambassador, and personally convinced the Spanish government to pony up $40 million bucks for natural disaster relief. We weren't privy to those negotiations, but we're positive there was a sultry dance involved somehow. But it isn't all hard work for Shakira. Exhausted after her Oral Fixation World Tour in 2007, Shakira kicked back, relaxed, and took several history courses at UCLA. You know, just to chill.
9. Goldie Hawn
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Of all the women on this list, Goldie Hawn is probably the one who surprises people most with her eggheadedness. After all, she originally rose to fame playing a mildly retarded hippie girl on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In during the Sixties. Back in those days, people tended to prefer their eye-candy on the idiotic side, so her glazed-over eyes, constant bikinis, and girlish giggle went over like gangbusters. Soon, she was typecast as a ditzy flower-powered hippie girl who rarely wore pants. Frustrated, Hawn combated this egregious typecasting by appearing as a ditzy flower-powered hippie girl who rarely wore pants in movies like There's a Girl in My Soup and Butterflies Are Free. As far as the public was concerned, Hawn was the perfect bimbo. She was cute, blonde, and couldn't outsmart a drunken parakeet.
But all the while, Hawn was doing some serious thinking on the inside. Even as she was making millions pretending to be a sweethearted moron, Hawn was actually a genius. A member of Mensa, that means Goldie Hawn is in the top 1% of the world in terms of intelligence. Eventually, Hawn got tired of playing dumb bunnies and was able to reshape her public persona while not losing her widespread appeal. She's mostly retired now but still looks great and is half responsible for another hot, smart girl, Kate Hudson. Which may be just enough to make up for The First Wives Club.
8. Alicia Keys
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Singer/songwriter Alicia Keys is one of the most successful recording artists of the last ten years. She's sold 30 million records, won countless awards, and starred in the massive box office hits Smoking Aces and The Nanny Diaries. Okay, those movies were pretty terrible, but she's an awesome musician. You know what else is awesome? Her brain. Yes, even though she once released a song called "Rock Wit U" without spell checking it, Keys is actually quite smart. After appearing on The Cosby Show at the tender age of four, Keys studied music and dance and was accepted to the prestigious Professional Performing Arts School in New York.
Not satisfied with just being a multi-talented singer and musician before she was old enough to buy beer, Keys had to go and graduate two years early at the age of 16. And, because she's apparently a huge show-off, she was also the Valedictorian of her class. Shortly after that, Keys was accepted to Columbia University and signed a major label deal with Columbia Records - she likes things called "Columbia." She tried to do both, but after four weeks, Keys looked at her college life - endless reading, boring lectures, dandruff-coated professors - and her recording life - meeting famous people, writing and performing music, traveling the world - and dropped out of school as fast as humanly possible. See? We told you she was a genius.
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For some people, Madonna crests the line of what would be considered beautiful. Once the poster girl for raw, unbridled female sexuality and playful, self-aware camp, these days Madonna mostly reminds people of their weird old aunt who always embarrasses herself on wedding dance floors. But, for a time, Madonna was every suburban teen's ultimate fantasy. While she may not be responsible for as many flushed cheeks and soiled tissues as she used to, Madonna is still wicked smart. Always as much businessperson as entertainer, Madonna exemplifies cool, calculating ambition.
Right from the start, she controlled her image ruthlessly, had an uncanny ability to keep herself front and center in the public psyche, and exploited her failures just as much as her successes. And why shouldn't she? She is a genius after all. Yes, the woman who rose to fame singing about the joys of gold-digging and expressing yourself by wearing bras under blazers is actually a card carrying member of Mensa. At 140, her IQ just gets her in under the wire, but when she shows up to meetings with her entourage of tattooed sex freaks in clinging lycra bodysuits, none of the other eggheads complain.
6. Julie Newmar
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Remember the old Batman TV show? Primarily known for its garish colors, surreal guest appearances, and barely contained homoeroticism, Batman still had a couple things that might interest a hot-blooded male. Chief among those was one Julie Newmar, first of the three women to portray Batman's last, best chance at heterosexuality, Catwoman. For two years, Newmar slinked and meowed her way across America's TV sets and was surely responsible for more than a few nascent furry fetishes.
But while she was prancing around in a skintight cat suit and making Robin jealous, few people realized that her head was filled with a lot more than ridiculous schemes. Underneath those cat ears and bouffant hairdo, Newmar was one smart pussy. Never a huge star and well aware of how short a Hollywood sex-kitten's lifespan is, Newmar branched out into the world of business and now holds three United States patents. But don't worry, she's not a total geek; two of the patents are for pantyhose and one is for a brassiere. In addition to her sexy fortune, Newmar also made a bundle on real estate in Los Angeles in the 1980s. Not bad for someone who once couldn't even outsmart Adam West.
5. Dorota Rabczewska
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For far too long, Polish people have been getting a bad rap. Despite being the birthplace of such intellectual giants as Copernicus and Chopin, for some reason Poles have always been teased for being dumb. Well, if there's anyone who can smash that stereotype to pieces, it's Polish singer and entertainer Dorota Rabczewska. More commonly known as Doda, Rabczewska started out as a champion athlete, but soon moved on to bigger and better things. Despite her 153 IQ, Doda took the decidedly moronic route to fame by appearing in a Polish reality TV program. Capitalizing on her pseudocelebrity, Rabczewska launched a singing career by becoming the lead vocalist for a band called Virgin. She co-wrote their songs even though she was only 16. After the release of their first album, Virgin responded to criticisms of Doda's sexy image by calling their second album Bimbo. But Rabczewska was anything but. Virgin became one of the top-selling groups in Poland and Doda was a household name.
By 2007, Doda decided to strike out on her own and released a solo album magnificently titled Diamond Bitch. She still has her own TV show, and is working on a new album in English. According to Wikipedia, the working title is First English Album, but we're pretty sure she'll come up with something smarter than that. She is a genius after all. And a hot one, too. Who knows, if Dorota Rabczewska achieves her goals of international success, she may once and for all prove to the world that Polish people are just as smart and awesome as anybody else. You may ask, how can she do what Copernicus couldn't? Two words. Fantastic. Boobs.
4. Jayne Mansfield
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Beautiful geniuses aren't a new phenomenon. Along with Julie Newmar, Jayne Mansfield was showing people 50 years ago that just because she had a rack that could save the world, didn't mean she was lacking in the smarts department. Famous for two reasons (46 and Double D) Mansfield is most often remember these days for her tireless humanitarian efforts to expose her breasts in public as often as humanly possible. She frequently wore very low cut dresses and "accidentally" let her twins out for air whenever a cameraman was around. Mansfield is also famous for being the first mainstream Hollywood actress to do a nude scene in a major movie. Mansfield became so notorious for her repeated nipple slips, that when she was introduced on The Tonight Show, then host Jack Parr said, "here they are, Jayne Mansfield!"
Now if all she ever did were flash the cameras all day, she'd still be considered one of the greatest human beings in the world. But all that indecent exposure belied the fact that she was incredibly smart. With a reputed IQ of 163, Mansfield could speak five languages and was a classically trained pianist and violinist. But Mansfield had no illusions about her popularity. She knew what people wanted and hustled her way from county beauty fairs (the only honor she ever turned down was being called Miss Roquefort Cheese) right to the top of Hollywood. When asked if the public cared about her 163 IQ, Mansfield said she knew they didn't. "They're more interested in 40-21-35," she said. Mansfield died in a car accident at the age of 38, so she never got to show the world her smart side. Who knows what else she would have achieved with her brains. And those amazing, amazing breasts.
3. Asia Carrera
When you apply for a job as a female porn star, your IQ is usually the last qualification anyone's interested in. As long as you can keep your mouth open when it should be and closed when it shouldn't, most porn producers won't care if you know the difference between Modernism and Postmodernism. Hell, most porn producers don't care if their stars can tell the difference between blue and yellow. That's why porn megastar Asia Carrera was so overqualified. A veteran of over a thousand films, Asia Carrera kept a secret from the porn world. She's actually a genius. As a kid, she was a pianist and played at Carnegie Hall twice before she turned 15. In high school, she won a full, academic scholarship to Rutger's University, which, despite being located in New Jersey, is still a pretty good school.
She didn't go there (the siren call of being double penetrated by dudes with moustaches proved too seductive) but she didn't let her mind go to waste. Alongside her several boob jobs, Carrera also upgraded her brain and became a computer expert, a financial whiz, and strong advocate for science. She even joined Mensa, the club for people who are geniuses and really want people to know it. She's since retired from the porn business and dropped out of the public eye, but we like to think she's out there somewhere, sitting on her giant pile of money, reminiscing about the time seven guys jizzed on her at once and finally discovering the proof for Fermat's Last Theorem.
2. Kate Beckinsale
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Beautiful, sexy, British. Now those are three adjectives that one rarely hears used in the same sentence. Except when you're talking about Kate Beckinsale. Or bangers and mash. A child of two actors, Beckinsale was destined to be a star from an early age. She first skyrocketed to fame in Pearl Harbor and proved to the world that not only was she a stone cold fox, she also was a damn fine actress. Come on. Anyone who can convincingly pretend to be in love with Ben Affleck for two hours has got to have some serious chops. And Beckinsale did, as well as a big, beautiful brain.
Yes, the woman who saved the world from vampires and werewolves in Underworld, from more vampires in Van Helsing, and finally from Adam Sandler in Click is not only a kickass hero, she's a kickass student. A language whiz, Beckinsale did A levels in three languages (don't worry if you don't know what an A level is; they're just some English mumbo jumbo they use instead of regular grades to be different) and studied Russian and French literature at one of the greatest universities in the world, Oxford. She didn't finish - those werewolves weren't going to kick their own asses after all - but it hasn't hurt her career too much. As of 2009, her movies have made almost $800 million bucks in the US alone. Now that's hot.
1. Natalie Portman
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Natalie Portman was previously drooled over in our "Girls Geeks Love" article, and for good reason. As the female lead in the Star Wars prequels and V For Vendetta, Portman's geek credentials are well established. But did you also know she's incredibly intelligent? Portman's acting career started when she was young, but she never let it get in the way of her learning. A hardcore studier from the get-go, Portman actually skipped the world premiere of The Phantom Menace to study for her high school final exams. Well, that's what she told George Lucas, anyway. Whether it was true or not, Portman finished high school with a perfect 4.0 grade average as well as world wide fame, and probably a zillion dollars in the her bank account. We, on the other hand finished high school with a solid C average, almost complete anonymity, and a huge box of old Playboys.
With the world at her feet and just about everyone in Hollywood dying to work for her, Natalie Portman did what most attractive young starlets do - she went to Harvard. Putting her career on hold (except the Star Wars films), Portman earned a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and was published in two academic papers. Not too shabby for someone who read the script for Garden State and still decided to be involved in it. Harvard may be the best university in the world, but even they can't teach common sense.