The Top 7 Lamest Alternatives to Cars
As the western world’s general consciousness turns toward the notion of “living green,” naturally personal transportation became a big part of that equation. Compounded with tough economic times, people are looking for a change from the SUV lifestyle, a paradigm shift from the lumbering land barges of yesterday. However, in this search there are many pitfalls to watch out for, so to that end, heed this warning and check out the seven lamest alternatives to cars.
7. The Snakeboard
Okay, so you considered just using a skateboard to get around town, but you longed for something a little edgier. A little more… modern? Somehow you gravitated toward the, uh, Snakeboard.
Seriously, who authorized this thing? It’s like a skateboard, except you’re basically fused to it, forced to shimmy around town like an over-caffeinated epileptic hula dancer. This might be fine for children, who have no sense of shame anyway, but if you’re a grown man tooling around town with one of these, you might as well kiss your sex life goodbye.
6. Recumbent/Rowing/Hand Pedaled Bicycles
Alright buddy, the jig is up. So you had a fixed gear bike, but you felt it was a little too bush-league for your advanced level of expertise in the bicycle riding department, so you decided to step up your game. The problem is you bought a bike that you pedal while laying down.
Truth is, you look like a runaway circus act as you crank your way down the street. If you don’t mind being a spectacle, hey why not? Though, if you value your dignity, this might not be a good move.
5. Gas Scooters
I still don’t understand how these things caught on. I suppose you could trace its origins to the Razor Scooter’s popularity with ten-year-olds for about a split second a few years back.
Then someone got the bright idea that they could strap a lawnmower engine to one and sell them to young adults who were completely lacking any sense of self-awareness and didn’t mind annoying people everywhere they went simply by their presence. On the plus side, it’s doubtful you’ll ever breed if you ride one of these around your neighborhood, so there’s that.
4. Mini Bikes
Much like gas scooters, this is sort of like a joke that went way too far, and now people take them somewhat seriously. If you can get on one of these and somehow not realize how ridiculous you look on it, then you deserve to be ridiculed. And really, how much more does a normal used motorcycle set you back anyway?
Just remember, not everyone is qualified to ride a mini motorcycle. Though you have to admit, it does make this clip above a little bit funnier.