Irish Republican Army vs Medellin Drug Cartel

October 17, 2010

Beginning Assessment: Irish rebels fighting to protect their country. Colombia's fearsome number 1 cocaine empire. Who. Is. DEADLIEST?

Irish Republican Army:

Long Range: LPO-50 Flamethrower.

Medium Range: AR-15.

Short Range: MAC-10.

Special: Slingshot.

Explosive: Nail Bomb.

Medellin Drug Cartel:

Long Range: M60 Machine Gun.

Medium Range: AK-47.

Short Range: Mini Uzi.

Special: Machete.

Explosive: Car Bomb.


LPO-50 vs M60. Edge = M60.

You can blast either fire or bullets, but the M60 gets a supreme edge of being able to kill from half a mile away, which is much greater then the 70 yards of the LPO-50.

AR-15 vs AK-47. Edge = AR-15.

This has already been proven by the Deadliest Warrior Team.

MAC-10 vs Mini Uzi. Edge = Even.

Both these auto-pistols are very accurate and able to demolish anyone in front of it.

Slingshot vs Machete. Edge = Machete.

The Slingshot is good to stun your enemy or to make them mad as hell, but the Machete will slice your neck open.

Nail Bomb vs Car Bomb. Edge = Even.

The reason I made the Nail Bomb as deadly as the the Car Bomb is because you can put as much semtex you want in there. Both are detenation bombs, and both just kill!


On one day, six members of the IRA were sent to a large warehouse where they would set up operations. Further details were not known, and no questions were to be asked. As they were walking through the road to find the address, they spot a motorcycle infront of it. They question why a stranger's bike is infront, so one of them plants a large nail bomb under the engine.

The IRA walked into the garage, where they saw a very familiar van. It was on of the IRA's vehicles, sent by their boss back in Ireland. They open the door to the van, and they appreciate their boss. They leaved the van and tried to open the door. Locked.

"What the hell? The boss should have came here already and done everything for us." The temporary leader of it questioned. He was finally able to kick open the door. "Ugh. Okay..." They walked into the building, trying to get comfortable. Three of them find a living room-like room, decorated with a shag carpet, large sofa, and a huge TV. "Wow. This is more like a house then a warehouse." One said as he sat down and turned on the TV. The channel came on to a hispanic man in a brown leather jacket, with a black afro, "Greetings friends, if you are just tuning in, you will soon meet yor deaths." Then he pulled up an AK-47. "Huh?" the three asked. Right then, from behind them bullets were flying, and killed one of them. The other two took cover from behind the sofa.

Army: 5. Cartel: 6.

The two reached for their own weapons without showing their bodies to the homicidal host on TV. One pulled up his AR-15 and stuck the barrel right on the top of the sofa cushions. He shot it and the Cartel was hit in the aorta. The two got up and started running upstairs where there other comrads came up. The one in the front that got to the top of the steps first was suddenly hit in the neck by a blade of a machete, making him fall on top of the other.

The other IRA was able to keep his balance, and use his dead comrad as a human shield. He was also able to snag the AR-15 out of the air and shoot up, hitting the eye of the Cartel member.

Army: 4. Cartel: 4.

The man lets go of his human shield, and climbs up the stairs, ready to shoot anyone else. He mutters, "Where the hell are the others?" He confronted a door that was also locked, and kicked it open.

Inside he saw the three other of his comrads, tied in rope to chairs, with duct tape on their mouth. He takes the tape off the leader, which first takes a big gasp, and states, "The Medellin... Drug... Cartel... we need to get out of here. Before they return. Close the door, I think they're coming!" The IRA locked the door again and hid in a closet behind his teammates. He peaks through the creak in the door. Just in case, he set down his armalite, and readied his slingshot.

A man walked in the room. He was dressed in a red button shirt, under a carribean jacket. He had another machete. "Well what do we have here?" He asked the three Irelanders, "The Irish Republican Army?" He pressed the machete against the leader's neck. The IRA in the closet threw open the door and shot his slingshot, which hit right in the eye of the man. The machete just narrowly touched the Irish leader.

Army: 4. Cartel: 3.

The man jumped out of the closet and used the machete to cut the team's ropes. The leader revealed his MAC-10, which was the only weapon that they didn't take. The others were all stacked in the corner. One pulled on an LPO-50. As they all ran out, to get toward the stairs, bullets of an M60 were unleashed and killed the one that rescued the others. The one with the flamethrower shot back and killed him.

The IRA made it to the garage, where the LPO-50 blaster said, "Can't... go... any... further." One of them volunteered to drive him in the van, now knowing that the weight on his back was killing him.

The leader stayed and decided to scope the place out. He saw the van drove off, but then noticed the motorcycle was now gone. He also caught a glimpse of the back of the van, with a large bundle of dynamite stuck to it. He pulled up a walkie talkie, and blurten in, "ABORT! ABORT! There's a BOMB on the VAN!!!" But it was too late, he saw the motorcycle, with two people on it, stop next to the van, shoot bullets from a mini uzi in, drove off, and blew it up.

Army: 1. Cartel: 2.

"Holy SHIT!" the Irish leader yelled, collapsing from the force of the bomb. But it wasn't enough to kill him. He got up, unsteadily, and limped toward another part of the building to spy on the bikers. They saw them stop by the wreckage of what USED to be the van, and they took off their helmets. They gave a high five to one another.

"Let's see who's so happy now," the Irish leader muttered as he remembered the bomb under the engine. He pulled out his own detonater, and roared to them, "IRELAND!!!" The two turn to see the leader, and before one can pull up the uzi, the bomb went off and nails sprinkeled them.

Army: 1. Cartel: 0.

Irish Republican Army: 547.

LPO-50: 93.

AR-15: 226.

MAC-10: 187.

Slingshot: 2.

Nail Bomb: 39.

Medellin Drug Cartel: 453.

M60: 124.

AK-47: 137.

Mini Uzi: 115.

Machete: 46.

Car Bomb: 31.

Ending Assessment: The IRA had better tactics and training and the ArmaLite was a large factor.

Best Weapon: The AR-15 "ArmaLite" Rifle was the best of all weapons which obliterated with 226 kills.

Worst Weapon: The Slingshot only was able to kill the Cartel twice.