Cincinnati Bengals Look to Add More Cocaine and Strip Club Arrests to Roster

February 12, 2010

Disappointed by their early exit from the 2010 NFL playoffs, the Cincinnati Bengals have scoured the waiver wires police reports to help improve a team with a celebrated history of neglecting the law.

As one of the most highly-arrested franchises of the new century, the Cincinnati Bengals (who got off to an excellent start this offseason when star rookie Ray Maualuga was arrested for driving drunk with two teenage girls) have offered Matt Jones a contract and brought in Adam "Pacman" Jones for a workout.

Jones (arrested for possession of cocaine) and Jones, who has what the Nevada and Tennessee Correctional Department call an “impressive commitment to crime,” may both suit up for the Bengals next season.

But wait… bringing in a borderline career criminal and drug user is a nice step, but this still doesn’t fill the "murderer" hole on the roster.

No need to worry, sports fans.

According to the Cincinnati Enquirer the Bengals have also expressed interest in Donte Stallworth...who served 24 days in jail for killing a man while driving drunk.

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