Much Like Vampires, College Football Players Only Allowed to Have Sex before Sundown

September 28, 2010

The University of Kansas football team hasn’t enjoyed a rousing start to their 2010 season. Head coach Turner Gill believes that sexually frustrating his players and giving them a junior high-inspired curfew should solve the problem, though. (So, good news for the team virgin.)

According to news reports “In the players’ manual [there] is a rule that states that KU’s players cannot be with girls past 10 p.m. on any night. That meant either having a girl over or being at her house."

While it may appear that the school simply prefers "afternoon delight" to late night booty calls, various sources close to the program claim that the school would like the players focus on football, and avoid women entirely.

Seriously? What’s the point of playing football if you can’t have unprotected sex with sorority girls who don’t mind spending 15 minutes pleasing a back-up kicker? It’s almost like these coaches and administrators have lost sight of what the game’s all about.

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