10:00am
Gangland: Root of All Evil
11:00am
Gangland: Dog Fights
12:00pm
Gangland: Blood Oath
1:00pm
Gangland: Basic Training
2:00pm
Gangland: Clash of the Crips
3:00pm
Gangland: All Hell Breaks Loose
4:00pm
Gangland: Capitol Killers
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Gangland: Stone to the Bone
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Gangland: From Girl to Gangster
10:00pm
Cops: Blood and Scars, Bro!
10:30pm
Cops: Tazed and Confused
11:00pm
Birth of a Rivalry: Curran/Pitbull 1
12:00am
The Fifth Element (1997): Fifth Element, The (1997)
3:00am
3:30am
10:00am
Men in Black (1997)
12:30pm
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
3:12pm
Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom (1984)
6:07pm
Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade (1989)
9:10pm
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

The Top 10 Funniest Celebrity Near Deaths

by DannyGallagher   April 02, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 1,739

Death may be an inhumane bastard, an unfeeling monster, a relentless evil, and an unflinching presence. But he's also got a wicked sense of humor.

Source: Jo Hale/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

By Danny Gallagher

 

10. Boy George

Just about any news story involving Boy George, whether it involves the pop star's near death or not, has the potential to be tragically hilarious. He's a pudgy bald fop who has taken to painting his big, barren noggin like he's a Faberge egg with legs and whose sickly sweet tunes have set back to the course of music of years to come.

So only a non-breathing human could not enjoy the delicious irony of a disco ball almost doing him in.

The then-38-year-old musician was rehearsing for a show when a 62-pound, four-foot-wide mirrored disco ball fell from the sky and clocked him in the face. He only suffered some minor (but painful) head and ear injuries. The same can also be said for anyone who has "Karma Chameleon" stuck in their head for longer than a day.

9. Verne Troyer

Source: Jesse Grant/WireImage/Getty Images

It's hard to feel sorry for a guy like Mini-Me. He's not only linked to an iconic character in an iconic film that's sure to live in the annals of time longer after we're turned to dust, but he's also got a life that basically tells Randy Newman to "go f**k himself."

However, even the high life (no pun intended) can short-change (no pun intended) some of its biggest stars (no pun...OK, I confess, they were all intended).

The Austin Powers star was having a little bathtub fool-around session with his hot-model girlfriend Ranae Shrider at a swanky Beverly Hills hotel when she displayed her model-like intellect by failing to realize the tub towered over her mini-boyfriend. By the time the bubbles filled the tub, he became lost in an ocean (to him, anyway) and almost drowned.



8. Lady Gaga

Source: Kristian Dowling/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

This pop star has an eye for fashion that would have most levelheaded people wondering if she should visit an optometrist.

I'm not saying that I know what's hot and not in the world of high fashion. But I know enough about fashion to understand that tape is not a "fabric-must." She was so decked out in the sticky stuff on a flight from London to New York that it induced a nearly lethal bout of "deep vein thrombosis" (or deep blood clots). She had to be stripped out of her adhesive outfit in order to save her from suffering any more serious damage, which I imagine is like removing a really stubborn Band-Aid times 5,000.



7. Robert Pattinson

Source: Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

I imagine that the majority of the Twilight star's life must resemble A Hard Day's Night, with Pattinson being constantly chased by crowds of estrogen-enhanced young girls who are able to sniff out his every move like a pack of highly trained, prison guard bloodhounds.

One such group almost sent the vampire into an early coffin.

Pattinson was doing some filming in an NYC bookstore when a gaggle of girls picked up his scent. A chase ensued and as he tried to cross a busy street, an oncoming taxicab clipped him in the hip. One of his bodyguards reportedly screamed back at the girls "You see what you did, you almost killed him!" The girls' then chased the taxicab for a solid 12 blocks, hoping to gather bits of Pattinson DNA that collected on the vehicle's front fender.

6. Demi Lovato

Source: Jason Merritt/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

This budding pop actress and singer is just getting her career off the ground, but she may never have gotten the chance if she hadn't almost been trampled by a rampaging and out-of-control dinosaur. No, really.

She got her first big break at the age of eight on a children's television show that you may have heard of, but wish you never did, called Barney and Friends. She wasn't paying attention during a routine and got trampled by the giant purple menace. The extremely heavy suit could have snapped her like a twig, but she escaped any serious injury. I'm referring to physical injury, of course. Mentally, however, something like this might be harder to overcome since Barney always struck me as a soul-eater.

 

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