The Top Seven Types of Car Guys
Undoubtedly the most infamous faction of car enthusiasts, the Ricer is basically synonymous with "poseur." A ricer is the sort of guy who spends more time fantasizing about driving the cars in The Fast and the Furious and scoring with hawt chix than he does actually making his car fast. A ricer is the type of car guy who invests his money in huge plastic spoilers and door stickers to make his car look "tight" instead of actual performance-enhancing components for the engine, suspension, etc.
Ricers are the kinds of people who try to street race in populated areas, and in turn, give the entire automotive community a bad name. Ricers buy exhaust systems like this one and think that it sounds good. And if you don't like the sound of the muffler, well the 3,000-watt subwoofer blasting house techno beats will probably drown it out anyway. Basically... ricers, you suck.
2. Exotic Car Guy
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Not satisfied by mere Vipers or Carreras, the Exotic Car Guy is less concerned with performance of the car than he is about, say, how rare it is, and how people will react to it. In that regard, the Exotic Guy is the epitome of the car guy who wants something that screams "this way, gold diggers!"
Unless Exotic Car Guy is hitting Willow Springs every weekend, there's no purpose for this car in an urban setting, other than to be a status symbol for what a fabulous lifestyle he leads. And when Exotic Car Guy drops $45,000 on an oil change, you know he must be pretty cool.
1. BMW Guy
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The most enjoyable activity for BMW Car Guy is convincing everyone else that BMW makes the best cars in the world. There can be no other car better than a BMW M3. It is simply perfection. The BMW guy offers a level of pretense which can sometimes rival Exotic Car Guy, but at a much cheaper impact on his bank account (which also makes him better than the Exotic Car Guy).
BMW Car Guy is a refined sophisticate, and he has ascended beyond the juvenile need to do burnouts. BMW Car Guy is more concerned with car magazine statistics, expensive aftermarket wheels, nanotechnology car wax, and the latest watches in GQ magazine. BMW Car Guy would also ask that you ignore the slightly tacky carbon fiber roof on his ubercar. 'Course, BMW guy also has the obligatory hot Asian girlfriend, so he scores a tip 'o the hat regardless.