Masters Security Guards Enforce Strict "No Whores Allowed Policy"
The PGA is excited to welcome slightly disgraced, but exceptionally apologetic adultery enthusiast Tiger Woods back to the Masters this week. His parade of mistresses, however, did not receive the same olive branch.
According to the New Jersey Star Ledger, “security guards at Augusta National were actually carrying around a sheet with the mugshots of Woods’ alleged mistresses, with one of the guards asking a woman at the fifth hole, ‘Are you the stripper?’”
Yes, golf’s most storied tournament has implemented the same crime-stopping techniques used to ban teenage shoplifters from local strip malls.
Also, is there any better way to welcome fans to your event than sending a G.E.D. graduate with pepper spray and a menacing flashlight around the grandstands asking random women if they take their clothes off for money?
Well played, Augusta.
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