The Top 10 Toys That Make Us Wish We Were 10 Again
5. LEGO Mindstorms
Ever since failed carpenter Ole Kirk Christiansen made his first plastic brick, the crazy Danish geniuses at LEGO have been pumping out LEGO brand building sets all over the world. Back in the day, LEGO sets were pretty tame affairs. Most were just a collection of multicolored bricks with the occasional vehicle or house. Nowadays, however, LEGO produces all kinds of building sets and licenses all manner of movies and cartoons. But their coolest line has to be the Mindstorms collection.
Forget the generic cars and lame castles we all grew up building. With the Mindstorms sets, you can design and build actual working machines, vehicles, and robots. Sure, the Mindstorms line is ostensibly educational and will teach kids some fundamentals of engineering and science. But don’t worry. With its crazy robots and perpetual motion machines, it’s teaching them the good kind of science. Mad science.
4. The Star Wars Clone Wars Ultimate Lightsaber
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that anybody who’s ever seen a Star Wars movie would give their left nut for their very own working Lightsaber. Well, until someone actually builds one (we’re waiting, Detroit!) closet Jedis will have to settle for the Star Wars Clone Wars Ultimate Lightsaber.
The set consists of 22 different Lightsaber parts capable of making over 1,000 different Lightsaber configurations. You can put them together any way you want and complete the crucial step that every young Jedi must take. You may never get to be a real Luke Skywalker and slice your way through hordes of Storm Troopers or go toe-to-toe with a Dark Lord of the Sith, but at least with the Star Wars Clone Wars Ultimate Lightsaber you can look the part. Just don't film yourself playing with it or else it will end up on the Internet and you'll be alone for every single Saturday night for the rest of your life.
Actually, if you’re over the age of twelve, just having this set will negatively affect your ability to score. We’re not saying don’t buy it, because that would be silly. We’re just saying keep it well-hidden when human girls come over.
3. Hydrocar Education Kit
Source: Horizon Fuel Cell Technologies
Don’t let the name of this toy fool you. Yes, it has “education” in it. But this remote-controlled car is so cool that any kid lucky enough to get one will instantly forget that they’re supposed to be learning something while they’re playing with it.
Unlike most remote controlled cars that run on batteries, the Hydrocar actually has “a next generation reversible Polymer Electrolyte Membrane (PEM) fuel cell.” We’re not exactly sure what that’s supposed to mean, but we do know that basically, this bad boy runs on water. The car of the future is here, and it looks like the girl robot from Wall-E. And it’s small. Those things alone don’t sound all that cool, but did we mention it runs on water? If that isn’t enough to sell you (and if it isn’t, shame on you) then consider this. The Hydrocar can also steer itself when presented with an obstacle. It’s lightweight, runs on water, and can think for itself. This may not be the coolest toy ever made, but it just might be the scariest.
2. The Hot Wheels Trick Tracks Ultimate Stunt World Play Track Set
Source: Hot Wheels
Everyone loves Hot Wheels cars. They’re fun, metal, and just the right size to go flying off every ramp-like surface a kid can find. They may not have had power, but they could take whatever a sadistic 10-year-old stunt coordinator could throw at them. Hot Wheels also sold race tracks, but none could match the average suburban house for pulse-pounding straightaways, loops, and dead drops.
Well Hot Wheels now has a track that’ll let you put on the kind of sweet stunts that Evil Knievel has wet dreams about. The Hot Wheels Trick Tracks Ultimate Stunt World Play Track Set is a fully customizable race track that lets little daredevils do stunts like “the Power Loop, Drop Tower, Spiral Spin-Out, Zigzag Slide, Freefall Drop, Mini Slide, and Flame Launch.” It comes with all kinds of tracks, 10 cars, two jump ramps, and two exploding fuel tanks. That’s right. Two exploding fuel tanks. Fire retardant blankets and extinguishers sold separately.
1. Banzai Wipeout Curve Water Park
Besides drenching the neighborhood with high-powered squirt guns, there’s no better way to spend a hot summer day than slipping and sliding on a piece of wet plastic. Sure, you can go cheap and dump some dishwasher detergent on a wet sheet of plastic, but that’s going to impress the cool kids on your block. Why not drop a few extra bucks and blow yourself up a Banzai Wipeout Curve Water Park?
The Banzai Wipeout Curve Water Park is a big ass waterslide for your very own backyard. It has a superhigh tower, a wicked curved waterslide, and pool at the bottom. It has all the fun of a public waterslide, but none of the communicable diseases or creepy weirdos in Speedos. Any kid can have a pool in his backyard, but who do you think is going to pull in the big crowds come August? A kid with his own pool, or a kid with his very own waterslide? Throw in a couple of Tarantula Squirt Guns and the neighborhood is yours! At least until supper time.
We know they’re made for 10-year-olds, but f*** it. We’re getting one anyway.