The Top 10 Least Stealthy Superhero Vehicles
They were designed to be the fastest, most responsive, and best-equipped transport vehicles in the history of mankind, but their sheer bulkiness and lack of seduction makes them impervious to one thing...you can see them from outer f***ng space.
Source: Warner Bros.
10. The Watchmen's Owl Ship
To be fair, this ship is one of the quietest vehicles ever created for a comic book, movie, or television show. It could follow you for miles and if you were completely blind or had no sense of depth perception, you wouldn't even notice it. The rest of us, however, with two eyes and the capacity to concentrate for long than a mosquito's attention span could spot this skyward eyesore a mile away, literally. It's a giant egg-shaped piece of machinery with a pair of bug eyes up front that are bigger than the kids into Mexican paintings staring into the headlights of an oncoming Chevy. The only way to remain hidden in this thing is never using the damn thing.
9. James Bond's Aston Martin
Source: MGM
Q's ingenuity for hiding everything from weapons to a fully stocked bar in Bond's growing collection of high priced supercars is stunning. The only thing more stunning is his inability to reason that unleashing such an oil boiler on the English roads would attract more attention to our hero than a Jell-o wrestling contest between Pussy Galore and Holly Goodhead. Every time the average male sees a car worth more than the man driving it on the road, he immediately whips out his cell phone to grab a picture of it, a camera to capture video clips from every angle, or a piece of charcoal and a loose sheet of paper for a quick drawing. Can't Q hide a twin set of rotating miniguns and a dashboard defibrillator in a Pontiac Sunfire instead? Not only would guys not pay attention to it, but they would avoid whole states just to keep from sharing the same road with it.
8. Superman's Supermobile
Source: Warner Bros.
Superman is the gold standard for superheroes in comic books, television shows, and movies. He can fly faster than any manmade aircraft. He can shoot lasers from his eyes that can blow up an elephant or freeze it in his tracks, if the elephant was somehow evil and threatened mankind's existence. So why does he need a ship? Not only is the idea of giving Superman his own mode of transport more pointless than letting the former Miss South Carolina compete on an episode of Celebrity Jeopardy!
7. Iron Man
Source: Marvel Studios
A fully armored flying man isn't a bad idea in theory. In fact, it's a damn good one until you realize that sending him into the sky without warning the FAA, the Air Force, and the rest of the free flying world will attract the attention of every F-22 in the Earth's airspace. There's a reason God didn't give man wings...because there wasn't enough in the budget to develop flesh that could withstand the blast from a AGM-114 Hellfire missile.
6. Batman's Batmobile
Source: Warner Bros.
Every time a new member of the Batman franchise hits the small or the big screen, the famed Batmobile gets cooler and cooler. It went from a square, ordinary sedan with a giant plastic bat face on the front to a custom made, 5-liter engine, 500 horsepower Nighthawk on wheels. But every time improvements are made to the Bat's ride, it fails to meet the requirements of the "sneak-test" on just about every level. It's always loud, noisy, and has an exhaust alone that could blow out every ear drum in a five-mile radius and the only way Batty can think of to compensate for this is to paint the damn thing solid black. Does that mean he has another Batmobile with white fluffy clouds and a blue background for crimes that are committed during the day?
