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The Top Eight Reasons America Kicks Ass

by bradiger   July 03, 2009 at 1:15AM  |  Views: 1,639

If we've learned one thing from this decade, it's that when you wield the clout and influence of the most powerful country in the world, you become the cause of, and the solution to, all of the world's problems. As a result, it became strangely fashionable to hate on the whole idea of "America." But as the anniversary of our nation approaches, we take a moment to remind ourselves of what this country is really all about, why it's worthy of our patriotism, and most importantly, why America will never go out of style.

8. We Build Rocket Cars


Source: Thurston Hopkins/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Americans are not a meek bunch. We do not hold back or shy away from potential awesomeness because of things like "logic" or "pragmatism." So, in the early 1950s, when America became fascinated by jets and jet design, General Motors decided to build turbine-powered cars. Why? Simply because cars with bubble domes, huge tailfins, and rocket engines are spectacularly badass.

Never mind the fact that the exhaust gases expelled from the engine reached temperatures of over 1,200 degrees - more than enough to roast any fool who tries to tailgate you -- these cars existed simply because of American ingenuity and a desire to create something just because it would be really, really cool.

7. We Have a Friggin' Death Ray


Source: Haywood Magee/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Over the course of American history, we have been home to an amazing collection of great minds. People like Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, and Henry Ford played a huge role in shaping modern society across the globe. So it's not surprising that in 1884, when Serbian-born Nikola Tesla decided he wanted to live somewhere where his talents could be fully realized and shown to the world, he emigrated to United States to work for Thomas Edison in NYC, having nothing with him but the clothes on his back and a recommendation letter from a former employer.

Tesla would later became a naturalized citizen of the United States and would go on to develop literally dozens of groundbreaking technologies, including the Tesla Coil, the wireless radio, and alternating current (AC) power distribution, which is how all our homes and businesses utilize electricity today.

But his most notorious (and kickass) invention was developed much later, when Tesla began designing a "directed-energy" weapon that he called a "teleforce" ray, which the media later spiced up by dubbing it a "Death Ray." Though never demonstrated to the public and shrouded in controversy, Tesla insisted that the device was real and would be the "superweapon which would end all wars" and claimed it could "send concentrated beams of particles through the free air of such tremendous energy that they will bring down a fleet of 10,000 enemy airplanes at a distance of 200 miles from a defending nation's border and will cause armies to drop dead in their tracks."

So yeah, there's a good chance that we have a friggin' Death Ray buried deep in some remote underground bunker, waiting to be busted out if  things get a little too out of hand. I don't know about you, but I sleep a little better knowing that.

6. We Are All About DIY


Source: CellBuff.com

Without a doubt, we are a nation that wholeheartedly embraces the MacGyver ethos when it comes to inventive solutions. I mean, we're the birthplace of WD-40, zip ties, and duct tape, which are possibly the most useful inventions in human history.

With those three items, we've learned time and time again that, given enough strength of will and a little bit of creativity, we can basically make anything do anything...to varying degrees of success.

And where else but America could a guy like Billy Mays have found such wild success with do-it-yourself products like Mighty Putty and the Ding King dent remover? We are a country that covets power tools. We love Home Depot. We are a nation that thrives on the mantra, "If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself."

5. We Perfected the Art of Barbecuing


Source: Todd Gipstein/National Geographic/Getty Images

People have been cooking meat with fire since the dawn of mankind, but we took the art of grilling to a whole 'nother level. When I think about the 4th of July, two things come to mind: fireworks and barbeques.

At this point, grilling is so deeply etched into American culture that backyard BBQs and tailgate parties might as well be on our state flags. From slow-cooked short ribs to beer-boiled bratwurst, we do it all, with an endless array of BBQ sauces, 20,000 BTU grilles, and a whole lotta tastiness.