The Top Seven Most Awesome Ways to Kill Zombies

March 6, 2009

These days, the very fabric of society seems tenuous. The global economy is in shambles, wars rage, famine is destroying entire regions, and with the ongoing predictions of the end of days - you know, maybe it's time to take note of these warning signs and prepare for the inevitable zombie apocalypse which will set upon us any day now.

Sure, you can stock up on shotgun shells and board up the windows. But the zombies are already wise to that scene! You need to be dishing out zombie carnage in style. Here are the top seven most awesome ways to kill zombies.

By Brad Iger

The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.

7. The Samurai Sword from Versus


If you're looking for a way to dispose of zombie hordes with a high level of grace and classiness, ditch the crowbar and go straight to the samurai sword.

Sure, blunt force trauma has always been a staple of violent death, but swords are made expressly for the purpose of dispatching one's foes. If they're zombies, even better - that just means they'll move slower so you can do more elaborate spins and such while you chop limbs off.

6. LPs from Shaun of the Dead

Who would've thought old vinyl could work so effectively against the undead? I know, I know, that Dangerhouse LP might be worth $300 because it's been out of print since the '80s, but what's your life worth to you? If it comes down to your very existence or an intact pressing of a rare record, let the shellac fly, I say.

5. Supernatural Guitar Picks from Wild Zero


Guitar Wolf are a band of many trades. Here in Wild Zero, they are defenders of planet Earth. I'm not entirely sure where they got these special guitar picks from (or why they don't use more of them later in the movie) but it really doesn't matter.

What matters here is that Guitar Wolf (the man, not the band) is throwing supernatural guitar picks at zombies which dissolve on contact, while the rest of Guitar Wolf (the band) combs their hair behind him. That's all you really need to know.

4. Molotov from Left 4 Dead


One of the most important rules of thumb in a zombie apocalypse is "When in doubt, kill it with fire." And Valve's Left 4 Dead illustrates this point beautifully.

There's just something incredibly gratifying about setting an entire horde of raging zombies ablaze in one quick flick of the wrist. Just make sure you've created some distance between you and the expected recipient of that bottle of death, 'cuz fire hurts.

3. The Leg Gun from Planet Terror


You'd think that losing a limb during a zombie apocalypse would be an instant death sentence. That couldn't be further from the truth though. As it turns out, it's actually an opportunity to transform you into a machine gun-wielding cyborg.

When Cherry loses a leg as a result of an attack by the infected, El Wray comes to the rescue with a finely engineered machine gun/grenade launcher which attaches perfectly into the stump that remained on Cherry's leg, ostensibly turning her into a zombie-killing machine. I've always been a little curious to know exactly how she tells the weapon to fire, though.

Another bonus: the grenade launcher doubles as a jump jet!

2. Lawnmower from Dead Alive


When the zombies start bringing the fight to you and your home, you really have to start getting creative with the items around you. But just because you're tapped out of 12 gauge shells and napalm-tipped arrows doesn't mean you can't use many seemingly innocuous items to great effect.

That said, one solid orgy of zombie murder with that crappy old lawnmower is sure to make up for summer after summer spent toiling in the front yard instead of sitting by the pool with half-naked chicks.

Make sure you've got good shoes on though, it's gonna get slippery with all the various limbs and bodily fluids collecting on the floor, and you don't want to be the next guy to get a face full of spinning lawnmower blades.

1. Chainsaw from Army of Darkness


Army of Darkness is the undisputed king of movies with awesome ways to kill zombies. From the helicopter blades on the front of Ash's Oldsmobile to the no-look double-barreled shotgun blasts, it's a veritable cornucopia of badass zombie slaughter.

But hands down, there is undoubtedly no cooler way to kill zombies than with a gas-powered chainsaw. And if that chainsaw happens to be a replacement for a missing hand, even better. The growl of the gas engine, the gleam of the blades, the shadow one casts when one banishes a chainsaw with the intention to dismember... it's unbeatable.