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The 10 Least Appetizing Theme Restaurants

by DannyGallagher   May 11, 2011 at 10:00PM  |  Views: 3,781

It's Saturday night and you and your friends are engaged in the most eternal struggle in the universe: where to eat. Everyone has their own suggestion about the best place to grab a bite but if one of them suggests any one of the following, it’s time to grab your gun.

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10. Johnny's Spamarama Menu

Let's face it, times are tough. Money is scarce. Food prices are rising. Pretty soon, the produce aisle at the grocery store is going to start holding jousting tournaments for the right to buy the world's last fresh cantaloupe.

And when the economy goes down, consumption of "pseudo-food" like Spam goes up. One restaurant in Austin, Minnesota has turned the potted "meat" into its own eatery with a Spam-infused menu that includes everything from the four food groups, if you consider Spam to actually be meat. The menu includes Spam Western Omelettes, Spam Burgers and even a Spam Reuben. It's the only restaurant where the menu is a more sensible meal choice than the items printed on it.

9. Alcatraz

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You might be surprised to learn that one of the world's most infamous prisons and correctional facilities has its own eatery. You might also be surprised to learn that setting up a restaurant in the actual Alcatraz would be more appetizing and offer more ambiance.

This theme restaurant in Japan bills itself as a "medical prison" surrounding a restaurant where the wait staff dresses up as deranged mental patients who lunge out as you're trying to enjoy your meal and scare the food out of you. One web food critic called the food "somewhat expensive," which also fits nicely with its prison theme since it's illegal for restaurants to "physically" rape their patrons.

8. The New Lucky Restaurant

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The greatest thing about food is that it makes you feel so alive. Every explosion of flavor reminds you that you're a living, breathing human with thoughts, feelings, and emotions that need to be expressed because you've only got a short amount of time to enjoy them. So it's ironic that most of the food we eat in restaurants is actually bringing us one step closer to death.

One restaurant in Ahmadabad, India tries to force that sad fact of life down your throat (along with your meals) by propping you next to dead bodies while you eat. The restaurant is actually built around a graveyard and the dining room is filled with tiny metal coffins in between the booths and tables filled with very real bodies. The owner doesn't even know who the bodies are but it says it brings his customers good luck, hence the name. Was "The Bloated Man Carcass" already trademarked?

7. Crash Café

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If you're the kind of person who watches a high speed car chase that ends with the sound of twisted metal grinding on pavement and then immediately thinks, "Man, this is making me hungry," then I've got the perfect restaurant and therapist for you.

Actually, that's not true since the proposal for this twisted eatery never made it past the approval stages, but you should still seek therapy immediately.

A restaurant developer in Baltimore had a grand vision for a restaurant surrounded by a hint of mayhem and disaster. Plans called for a building with a giant crashed DC-3 sticking out of it, loud crashing noises interrupting people's meals, and a clumsy wait staff that had more problems walking a straight line than a frat boy at a sobriety checkpoint. The idea was grounded to a halt when the terrorist attacks of September 11 made man-made disasters and aerial accidents less appetizing.

6. Kyushokutoban

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The least appetizing setting for any meal would have to be my elementary school cafeteria. It's the only place to eat where I got worried that I didn't see cockroaches roaming the floors because even they wouldn't touch the food.

Someone in Tokyo, however, must have had a Ruth's Chris Steak House in their school cafeteria because they thought it was a good idea to turn the concept of a school cafeteria into a restaurant. Patrons are served on those steel compartment trays that look like they were just above prison dinnerware and every dish comes with a carton of milk. If they really wanted to make it as authentic as my days in the school cafeteria, they should hire a sweaty overweight lady with a hairnet that held in everything but hair and a leaking mole that made you glad they didn't have a soft-serve ice cream dispenser.