General Schwartskof vs General Rommel

January 17, 2011

Beginning Assessment: What happens when two veteran commanders of desert warfare collide? Read on to see!?


(Originally, I was going to use the Desert Eagle for General Schwartskof's short range weapon, but it was changed to the M9 Beretta for practical reasons.)


General Schwartskof

Short Range: M9 Beretta Pistol

Long Range: M16 Assault Rifle (M16A1 model)

Explosive (1): M203 Grenade Launcher

Explosive (2): Claymore Anti-Personelle Mine


General Rommel

Short Range: Luger PO8 Pistol

Long Range: MP44 Assault Rifle

Explosive (1): Panzerfaust

Explosive (2): Stick Grenade


Who Gets the Edge

M9 Beretta vs Luger PO8: The M9 Beretta Pistol gets the edge. The gun has a greater barrel length (125mm compared to the Luger's 98mm), and muzzle velocity (380 m/s compared to the Luger's 350 m/s). The Luger, however, has a higher ammo capacity (8-round clips & 32-round drums, while the M9 Beretta only takes 15-round clips), and ties with the Beretta on firing range (50m).


M16 vs MP44: The M16 gets the edge. This gun has a greater barrel length (508mm compared to the MP44's 419mm.), less weight (2.89kg compared to the MP44's 5.22kg), firing rate (650 to 750 rounds a minute compared to the MP44's 500 rounds a minute), and ammo capacity (The M16 can take 20-round or 30-round magazines, while the MP44 can take only 30-round magazines).


M203 vs Panzerfaust: The M203 gets the edge. Although the Panzerfaust can shoot up to an impressive 100mm (the Panzerfaust 100M model, to be more specific), the M203 can shoot as far as 350 meters, and can be loaded with a variety of explosives. With the Panzerfaust, it's shoot & throw away.


Claymore vs Stick Grenade: The Stick Grenade gets the edge. The Claymore, while it has a decent amount of explosive material packed into it, but it can only explode in a 180-degree radius, taking out a single target (maybe 2 if they're close enough), and is immobile. The Stick Grenade can be thrown, and takes out multiple targets with a single blast.



From the files of Norman Schwartskof. Codenamed: Last Round. Dated: 1992


"It was my last day on the job. I didn't want it to be the last day, but let's just say that I...disagreed with some people."


"I was at Ground Base Echo. It was a small, backwater outpost in the middle of the desert. It wasn't even that big. It was nothing more than a garage, some jeeps, an armory, and a longhouse for the men here. There wasn't even that many men stationed here. Just 4 recruits placed here, probably because they didn't make the cut."


"The last thing I did before I quit was attempt to train these recruits, and turn them into hardcore killing machines. It didn't sound complicated, and I could tell that these men were looking for blood. Little did they know, they would get what they wanted."


"On a particularly calm day, I was in the middle of the base training the recruits. I realized that the only reason they were put here was because they were way too lazy. At least they were attempting to be soldiers, cause if they didn't follow my orders, their asses were mine."


"I digress. On this day, I was putting the recruits through a few standard drills, when we all thought we heard the sound of a vehicle coming towards the base. Believeing it to be nothing more than a side effect of the desert heat, I kept up the drills. We heard the sound again, and this time I stopped the men. Get your guns, I told them."


"A minute later, we spotted a truck on the path to the base. The doors on the driver & passenger side were completely wide open. The single most disturing thing about this was the eagle painted on the side. In it's claws was a symbol we didn't expect to see in the desert: a swastika."


"What the hell?" asked one of the recruits. "I mean, what's a swastika doing here."


"Not quite sure, I said. You, check the front of the truck."


"The recruit went to the front of the truck, and was looking for something that would give us a clue as to why this truck just showed up."


"The recruit came out of the truck. Just a pair of gloves, and some keys in the ignition."


"Alright, I responded. You, check the back of the truck."


"The other recruit went to the back of the truck. He climbed back in, looking for who-knows-what. Everything seemed to be going well, until we heard what sounded like a pin being pulled. When we realized what was happening, it was too late. The back of the truck was consumed in a explosion, sending me and the other recruits into the sand."


Schwartskof: 4/Rommel: 5


"We got up from the sand, and saw that the back of truck was in tatters. We went to check out the damage, and the only thing we saw was ruined metal & cloth, not to mention various body parts."


"Poor bastard, I said under my breath."


"I turned around to face the recruits. Alright me, spread out, I said. We gotta find out who the hell set this shit up."


"That was when the gunfire started."


"All of a sudden, we spotted 5 men appearing on top of the sand dunes around the truck, shooting at us with what looked like MP44s."


"Nazis, I yelled. Retreat back to the base!"


"We immediately ran back to the base. As we were running, one of the recruits managed to turn around quickly, and pop off a couple shots from is M16. He blew the head off one of the Nazis as clean as a homerun."


Schwartskof: 4/Rommel: 4


"Nice shot, recruit! I'll make a soldier out of you yet, I said."


"He simply nodded, and kept on running."


"We got back to the base, with the Nazis on out tail. Nazis, I thought to myself. It's back enough that Saddam is sending his boys our way, but now we got to deal with Nazis!? Somedays, I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit."


"I had the men setup some basic defenses. One of the recruits drove a jeep to the entrance of the base, place a can of gas right behind it, and a Claymore in front of the can. Another recruit went into the small armory, and placed a M203 on his gun."


"We took up defensive positions all around the base. Me & two of the recruits remained in the base, while the other went up into the observation tower to see where the Nazis were. At first nothing, but they, he waived to me that they were coming. He put up four of his fingers, signaling that there were four of them coming. A lot less than I though, I said under my breath."


"Soon enough, the Nazis arrived at the base. The commanding officer and two of the soldiers stayed back, while a third soldier cautiously crept up to the truck. He must have suspected it was rigged. One firery explosion later, and he was right."


Schwartskof: 4/Rommel: 3


"The Claymore/Gasoline Can combo sent the soldier into the sand dunes, his body crisping up like pork rinds on Superbowl Sunday. That was when we finally started firing back."


"We began opening fire on them. They didn't have much cover, although they all got to the wrecked jeep so they wouldn't get hit. They couldn't get too close, as the vehicle was as charred at the soldier that was blown up by it. The recruit that was in the tower got some assistance for another I sent his way. They really poured some lead on those Nazi bastards."


"We kept at it a little longer, when one of my boys in the tower managed to get a pot shot rught through the neck of one of the Nazis. The bastard just twitched for a moment or two, then slumped to the sand, bleeding as much as pig on a ranch."


Schwartskof: 4/Rommel: 2


"The two soldiers in the tower were doing a stupid little victory dance, failing to see one of the last two Nazis take what looked like a Panzerfaust off of his back, and taking a shot at them. The rocket flew into the tower, consuming the two recruits in a blast of shrapnel and splinters."


Schwartskof: 2/Rommel: 2


"Damnit, there goes some fine men, I said."


"At this point it must have been a 2-on-2 gunfight. There was clearly 2 people on my side (me and the surviving recruit), and there must have been two on the other side."


"We began creeping towards the longhouse, when the surviving soldier on the other side managed to shoot my recruit in the chest as we were moving. The recruit gave me his M16 with the M203 attached, and drew out his M9 Beretta pistol. Go, he said. Your ass is more important than mine, he said. I thanked him, then went inside."


"I went inside, and hid behind the metal locker. From outside, I heard the recruit frantically firing off his pistol. I didn't hear any returning fire, thinking immediately that he killed the last two Nazis. Instead, I just heard a single shot, and I knew that my recruit didn't make that sound."


Schwartskof: 1/Rommel: 2


"I was the one one left alive at this stage. I could hear the two Nazis coming up to the door of the longhouse, but that was just the beginning of my plan. All I had to do was creep out the back."


"Both of them were inside the longhouse, fruitlessly looking for me. I snuck up to the front door and opened it. The fools didn't noticed me in the front, aiming the M203 right at their feet. With a single shot, the grenade flew towards them, and exploded in a flash. Seconds later, when the smoke and dust settled, all that was left of there were their mangled, upper torsos."


General Schwartskof: 514

M9 Beretta: 50

M16 Assault Rifle (M16A1 Model): 200

M203: 250

Claymore: 14


General Rommel: 486

Luger PO8: 43

MP44 Assault Rifle: 200

Panzerfaust: 43

Stick Grenade: 200


Final Examination: General Schwartskof's modern weaponry won, against the dated weapons of General Rommel.


Strongest Weapon: The M16, M203, MP44, and Stick Grenade were the strongest weapons of this fight, bringing in 200 kills for the M16, MP44, and Stick grenade, while the M203 brough in 250 kills.


Weakest Weapon: Again, due to it's uni-directional blast, and low kill count of 14, the Claymore takes the weakest weapon spot.


Later this week: Maori Warrior vs Zande Warrior