#18: CROCODILE DUNDEE IN LOS ANGELES
It's not hard to see why this film was made: at the time, Steve Irwin (R.I.P.) was drawing crazy high ratings by yelling "croikey!" and wrestling alligators, 1980s nostalgia was coming into vogue, and films like this are really cheap to make. On the other hand, we'd already seen the Australian-fish-out-of-water premise twice already. Changing the locale to Los Angeles did nothing to enhance the experience. It just made things busier, more hectic, and less enjoyable. In fairness, that's also what happens when someone moves to Los Angeles in real life.
#17: PRETTY MUCH EVERY INSTALLMENT OF THE "AMERICAN PIE" FRANCHISE
I can't wait for the eventual "American Pie" movie where the gang reunites to talk about their grandkids' sex lives and getting prostate exams.
#16: BASIC INSTINCT 2: RISK ADDICTION
In this movie we learned that Sharon Stone ages remarkably well, like a fine wine. Too bad the same can't be said for "Basic Instinct," let alone the idea of doing a sequel. It'd be one thing if the main character was an action heroine, because of course we'd want to more of her kicking the bad guys in the posterior and traveling around the world. But there isn't a single person out there who was clamoring for The Further Adventures of a Sexy Murderer. By the way, what does "Risk Addiction" mean? Is it an addiction to risk? If so, "Addiction to Risk" would have been a much better title. Better yet, how about "Addicted to Love?" Then you can have the Robert Palmer (R.I.P.) song and everything. "Basic Instinct 2: Might As Well Face It She's Addicted to Love" would not have made this list, I can tell you that much.
#15: I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER
Guys, remember that time you did a hit and run on that guy and killed him and promised to keep it a secret? Remember too how I was like "I know you did it!" Well guess what – at no point in the ensuing three years did I either forget or was submitted to some sort of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" treatment where the moment was removed from my mind. I still know what you did last Summer. Too bad I don't still care.
#14: LOOK WHO'S TALKING NOW
Long before the folks that work on Madison Avenue had flooded the market with CGI talking babies, "Look Who's Talking" took the country by storm and became a surprise hit. It should be noted, though, that the film didn't suppose that babies talk, but rather that they have a sophisticated inner dialogue that they can't verbally express and slowly dissipates as they become toddlers. Pretty heavy stuff if you think about it. Then came the third film, where we were supposed to be amused at the inner-thoughts of dogs voiced by Danny DeVito and Diane Keaton.
#8: BLUES BROTHERS 2000
The original "Blues Brothers" is a comedy classic and an ode to classic blues music and early rock and roll. This movie was more of an ode to…well, itself. It contained shoe-horned cameos, the introduction of a replacement Blues Brother, and the inclusion of a small child. It was as if they were making a conscious effort to create the most unnecessary, cliché sequel of all time. They nearly succeeded.
#7: CRUEL INTENTIONS 2
SPOILER ALERT: the first film ends with one of the main characters dead, a second exposed to the world as a terrible human being, and a third driving off into the sunset to find herself. The only way this film's existence could be more inexplicable is if Reese Witherspoon driving to The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" cut to a shot of the planet Earth exploding.
#1: S. DARKO
The less said about this the better. Again, no reason for it to exist in that the story of "Donnie Darko" was wrapped up pretty neatly, even if it was confusing and doesn't really seem all that deep or interesting once you become an adult.
Are there any sequels you think are more inessential than the ones on this list? Let us know in the comments below.
Also, check out our most recent episode of All Access Weekly with Elijah Wood, who has appeared in some of the best and most essential sequels of all time. After all, without the second and third movies, "The Lord of the Rings" isn't nearly as satisfying.