Recently I was in Vegas doing the usual things that stay in Vegas (thank God!). As I was walking down the strip I was handed a bunch of cards advertising escorts and I took them. I flicked through them and saw that for $79 I could spend the night with Tila Tequila and another girl. Yes, Tila Tequila. In my room for $79.
Could this actually be Tila Tequila or just someone who looked like her? Was she really working off the Vegas strip as an “escort” or was this something she did in her past before she hit the dizzying heights of fame? I had to investigate.
Later that night I rang the number on the card and inquired about hiring the services of Ms. Mia and Suzette. The lady on the phone was very polite. She called me sweetie and asked how she could help. I nervously told her I wanted more information about the "2-Girl Special." The information spewed out. She knew about the special discount card I had, however for some reason the price quickly climbed from $79 to $370. The girls could be there in 20 minutes. I panicked a little as I’d never inquired about purchasing the services of a hooker before. I managed to fumble out a question: “Do the girls look like the ones on the card?” This must be a question they are asked all the time because the sweet phone operator delivered her reply perfectly and without pause. According to her “they do” and “if those girls aren’t available then similar looking ones are sent out.”
So maybe Tila did in actually work as an escort. I asked the operator directly: “Does Tila Tequila work there?” The phone operator replied that she “hadn’t heard of her.” This wasn’t necessarily a “No” (after all the discount card said her name was Suzette). Maybe she was going under a pseudonym or researching for an acting role / the third season of Shot at Love. I then explained who Tila was. The phone went dead. I would get no "2-Girl" love from Mia and Suzette that night.
Back in the office I showed the card off to some colleagues, reminiscing about what could have been. My buddy Mark said the other girl with Tequila was fetish model Masuimi Max. Was she an escort also? This was unlikely. So I did some further investigating. Turns out the two worked together on a photo shoot were they played slutty lesbian chefs and took each others' clothes off. This was during Tila’s porn phase, when she was a Playboy Cyber Girl and not a bisexual reality star.
So there are three possible answers to this puzzle: Tila was once secretly a Vegas escort, she is currently one or someone stole her picture and slapped it on a card. Whatever the case, for a brief moment in Vegas I had my very own shot at love.
What do you guys think?