The Top Seven Most Annoying Damsels in Distress

October 13, 2010

Over the years, it’s been a movie staple to have a helpless dame in need of some manly help. Usually these fine females play their roles perfectly, but from time to time, these ladies annoy even the most forgiving of moviegoers.

7. Mary Jane Watson (Spider-Man 2 & 3)

Source: Columbia Pictures

When it comes to her performance in the first Spider-Man, Kirsten Dunst didn’t do all that bad a job. The main reason is because she stood in the rain with a see-through top and gave us all a little taste of her not-so-awful assets. This totally allowed her to get away with a ton in terms of her most annoying acting skills. That’s what a sexy damsel in distress is supposed to do. This all changed with the second and third installments of the series.

The minute she locked up her cleavage and let her snaggletooth do most of the work, it was all downhill from there. Mary Jane Watson is easily one of the hottest comic book females ever and this is who they go with for three freakin’ films? Ugh. Dunst has done some okay work here and there throughout her career, but her unkempt, mailed-in performances in most of this series made me utterly annoyed. I sure as hell would never risk my life saving the world so I could spend the rest of my days with her.

 

6. Bella Swan (Twilight)

Source: Summit Entertainment

As far as annoying 21st century damsels go, Twilight’s Bella Swan is most definitely the head of the class. Not only do some fans find her character to be an eyesore, insane followers of the series seem to despise her due to her on-screen/off-screen romance with heartthrob Robert Pattinson.

If we have to sit through any of the films from this series you would think that the makers could have at least used a Bella Swan character people could respect and get behind. Who in the hell would fight for this broad? Not me, y’all. Not me.  

 

5. Rachel Dawes (The Dark Knight)

Source: Warner Bros.

The Dark Knight is a near-perfect film. In my expert opinion, the only real thing weighing it down is Maggie Gyllenhaal. Are you meaning to tell me that the makers of this movie actually thought that this is the woman Bruce Wayne can’t live without?! I refuse to believe that the richest bachelor in Gotham City, who just happens to also be Batman, couldn’t get this woman in the sack. Katie Holmes I could totally understand, but sad turtle face Gyllenhaal?! No. Just no.

I know I’m being mean here, but the love triangle between Harvey Dent, Rachel, and Wayne is one of the driving forces throughout the film. I just can’t think of anything that Gyllenhaal brings to the table that justifies this level of romantic drama. Not only is Gyllenhaal not all that much to look at in the film, her acting is easily the weakest out of the insanely talented lot. They should have just hired some eye candy instead of an over-the-hill Secretary.

 

4. Heather Donahue (The Blair Witch Project)

Source: Artisan Entertainment

After finding out that Heather Donahue’s performance in this 1999 classic was not actually real life as it was presented, her snotty face and stupid whinny whispering made every person that saw it want to transform into the actual Blair Witch and put this broad out of her misery. Way to RickRoll the world, Donahue. The second this truth came to light, some praised Donahue for her amazing performance, but I honestly got pissed. Her annoying nagging while her and her crew walked through the woods was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to how annoying she could be. The icing on the cake was of course her epic self-shot monologue where she explains how "so scared" she really is. Every single time I watch this scene I literally want to grab her through the screen and just dump a giant bottle of water on her face.

 

Recent Features

The Top Eight Killer Kids in Movies

The 10 Beers We Dare You to Drink

The Top Seven Hottest Nuns in Cinema

The Top 10 Sexiest WNBA Players of All Time

The Top Six Craziest Movie Families

 

 

3. Wilhelmina "Willie" Scott (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom)

Source: Paramount Pictures

The moment Kate Capshaw hits the screen performing “Anything Goes” in the opening scene of Temple of Doom, her character Wilhelmina "Willie" Scott does not shut the f*** up. Seriously. The woman never closes her trap. I’m well aware that she’s just playing the character that was written for her, but I refuse to ignore how unbearable things become as the film progresses. It just makes me feel so bad for Indy. Throw a sock in her mouth for Christ's sake. Numerous times while watching the film as a kid I legitimately wanted Ms. Scott to meet her maker just so it would be Short Round and Indy runnin’ the damn show.

It's also worth taking into consideration that Capshaw eventually went on to marry the director of the film Steven Spielberg. Just sayin’. 

 

2. Lois Lane (Superman 1-4)

Photo: Getty Images

Holy s*** is this woman annoying. Just like most of the ladies on the list, I’m not knocking Kidder as a person, I’m ripping her a new one for the role she played. With this said, Margot Kidder’s take on Lois Lane in the four-part Superman feature film series that took place over the ‘70s and ‘80s was a head turner to say the least. Kidder most definitely brought a steely determination and romantic vulnerability to the role, but the character’s off-the-wall outbursts and wacko behavior just seemed to get stranger and stranger as the series rolled on. Just like Gyllenhaal in The Dark Knight, I absolutely refuse to believe that the most powerful superhero in Metropolis or anywhere else would sit around and put up with Lois Lane’s psychotic crap and endless string of emotional drama.

Clark shoulda let Lois drown at Niagara Falls in Part 2. Things would have worked out a hell of a lot better. Just sayin’.

 

1. Wendy Torrance (The Shining)

Source: Warner Bros.

If you've have seen the "Making Of" video from The Shining, you already know that Stanley Kubrick kinda hated working with Shelley Duvall on set. Her performance in this horror classic is actually quite amazing, but her character honestly comes off as one of the most annoying human beings on the face of the planet, and it’s truly a serious task not to pull your hair every time she’s on the screen. From the constant sobbing to her irritating facial expressions, Duvall is just asking for Jack to chop her up into little bits.

I know I’m not alone when I say that I actually started rooting for Mr. Torrance to silence his overdramatic wife for good.

 

 

Recent Features

The Top Eight Killer Kids in Movies

The 10 Beers We Dare You to Drink

The Top Seven Hottest Nuns in Cinema

The Top 10 Sexiest WNBA Players of All Time

The Top Six Craziest Movie Families

Loading...