Hype is one hell of a thing. It’s pretty mind-blowing when die hard music fans treat certain artists as if they were some kind of God-like entity. This, in turn makes the artist believe that they are something special and deserve all of the love they are receiving. There are a few bubbles here that are in need of some serious bursting.
By Dustin Sussman
The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.
7. Amy Winehouse
Mark my words right now, Amy will never release another relevant song in the history of her career. Why, you ask? Because she had an unbelievably weak voice to begin with and she has now smoked enough crack to tear down Method Man’s iron lung.
I do understand that the Grammys aren’t really relevant anymore, but I am sick and tired of U.K. singers getting critical acclaim for mimicking classic American soul stars of the ‘60s and ‘70s. It is absolutely impossible to match the brilliant sounds of Mavis Staples and Aretha Franklin. I’m not saying the music is bad, it just doesn’t come close to the original product that they’re taking inspiration from. If I want to enjoy the classic sounds of Motown I’ll listen to the classic sounds of Motown, thank you very much.
I know she's kind of wasted here, but the woman is wasted every moment of the day.
6. Chris Martin
For all of those people out there who think this overrated ass-clown has a good set of pipes needs to listen closely to his vocal work in a live setting. This man is all studio production. Real singers sound better live and Chris is a perfect example of what s**t sounds like. Every single time I’ve listened to a Coldplay live performance I can’t make out a single word this dude is saying. I think Mr. Martin needs to stop bouncing around the stage like a hyper first grader and concentrate more on his breath support techniques. Robert Plant farts better notes in his sleep.
I had no idea a human being was able to create the sound of frogs f***ing and fighting to the death all at the same time with their voice, but somehow Cher pulled it off.
I will honestly admit that Cher belted out a few decent karaoke numbers during her Sonny and Cher variety show heyday, but when she decided to keep releasing music past the 1970s the s**t really hit the fan. The idea that this old broad has released over 25 albums that have sold over 100 million copies around the world is simply unbelievable. Every time Cher opens her mouth to sing I am convinced a choir of heavily sedated bullfrogs are gonna come out marching right on cue. I assume Vegas tourists are really into watching has-been plastic-surgerized freaks bang out their greatest for a ridiculous sum.
4. Mick Jagger
There is no doubt that Mick is a great songwriter, but we all know there are a slew of Stones songs that have some seriously suspect vocal work. Yeah, I know that the guy is an amazing showman, but at certain times he really can't sing to save his life. Being one of the greatest frontmen of all time doesn’t necessarily give you a pass in the singing department.
After watching numerous live shows of the Stones I’ve come to the conclusion that Keith Richards has a better voice than Mr. Jagger. It’s almost unbearable to listen to Mick try to stretch random vocal notes with his fake New Orleans accent. Sometimes it feels like the only enjoyable vocals from the Rolling Stones are their amazing multiple harmonies.
At times Bono has been able to put down some decent vocals over U2’s pop opuses, but for a band with such a big fan following you would think this guy would have the voice of an angel. Unfortunately, he kinda has the voice of a sheep singing in the shower.
Let’s get down to brass tax. Bono’s vocals are consistently nasally, flat, and just plain predictable. If you’re the lead singer for the so-called “Best Band In The World” do something that’s gonna blow my freakin’ wig off. Don’t keep pumping out the same bland sentimental crap over and over again. You’re a millionaire, hire a voice coach for f***'s sake.
2. Christina Aguilera
Before anyone jumps on me about this I have to say that I do understand that this girl does have some serious pipes, I just don't find the sound she makes particularly pleasant. In fact, I find her to be one of the most annoying singers in the history of pop music. Every single time this girls steps on a stage it’s like she’s trying to prove herself to the entire world. Her notes seem endless. You can have a great voice and produce a great vocal sound without having to hit a bazillion notes throughout the entire track. In my opinion, genuine simplicity is much more attractive than over-the-top screaming. Billie Holiday is the perfect example of that. Eat a fart, Christina.
Go to two minutes in to see what I mean...
1. Axl Rose
Look, Axl had a great voice for about two years, but when he decided to smoke nine million cigarettes a day and start writing over-the-top epic rock ballads he was never the same artist.
Axl’s vocal work on Appetite is absolutely brilliant, but after a very long tour supporting the record his voice definitely took a serious beating. Anything he did live from the early ‘90s on sounded just plain abysmal. Somehow one of the greatest frontmen of all time turned into a crooning sourpuss that actually sounded more like a goat being raped.